That's the Thing About Having Friends...

I've never been the kind of person who had—or wanted—bunches and bunches of friends.  I've always preferred to keep one or two close friends and simply maintain others at the level of friendly acquaintances.  I know this might not be typical for a woman, but there's a reason behind it.

You see, there's this thing about having friends: you have to open yourself up emotionally.

It doesn't sound like anything big or scary, but opening up emotionally leaves you open to being hurt or disappointed or mislead (intentionally or not) or embarrassed.  And none of those are things anyone likes, really.

Throughout my life, nearly every time I have opened up to a new friendship, at least of of those things has happened to me, and I can tell you that it is never any fun.  And each time it happens, I have to take a break and decide if that friendship is worth saving or if it's better to just let go.  Most times, I end up deciding that the value of the relationship doesn't outweigh the emotional toll it takes on me.  On rare occasions, I step back for a while, swallow my opinions (I know, hard for you to imagine), and push on through with a business-as-usual friendship.

Some of you may have noticed that I've been on a bit of "internet silence" the last few weeks.  Partly, this has been because work is pretty hectic this close to the end of the school year.  But mostly, I've been nursing a spot of hurt pride/embarrassment caused by a couple of friends.  I went out on a limb for someone, and it ended up biting me in the ass.  That old familiar sting came back, reminiscent of so many hurts and wrongs in the past, and I needed some time to myself to reevaluate.

I've had plenty of time to think now, and I'm back in the public arena of the internet again.  I haven't made any definite decisions about the status of this freshly-wounded friendship.  And, though I won't name the other party or even hint to their identity, the ball is now squarely in his or her court.

Friendship.  It's tough.  But for the opportunity to find those rare, true friends, it's totally worth it.

My Apologies for the Neglect

As the school year winds to a close, I find that my days are so crammed full of activity that my mind needs rest at night and there is very little brain power left over for blogging.  While this leaves my dear readers with nothing to read, it also means that I have put myself in a position to have a certain job next year, and that's a big deal for me.  We have 14 days of school left, so please be patient just a little while longer.  ♥

Weeds

I'm not a person who expects to be surrounded by perfection all the time.  I mean, perfection is nice, but it's just not realistic to expect it all the time.  The yard at our house is a perfect example of this: the weeds that pop up in the yard don't bother me a bit.  But the last few days, as I would come and go from the house, I noticed that a rather large green weed was pushing it's way up through a crack in the sidewalk right beside my rose vine.  It bothered me, but I never noticed it at a time when I actually had time to stop and do anything about it.

And it's not at all uncommon for life to occur in very much the same way.

Regular readers of my blog may have noticed that there have been no new posts here since April 15.  For someone who had blogged every day of the year up until that point, a 17-day gap is sort of a big deal.  But my life, like the crack in my sidewalk, has been sprouting troublesome weeds of its own lately.

The weeds started when my most immediate boss at work arranged to take a leave of absence for personal reasons and then "resigned" instead without any warning or good-byes to those of us who worked for her, and with a barely-plausible story to the bigger bosses.  As a result of her departure, the teacher I work with for the majority of the day was given a temporary promotion to fill her vacated spot for the rest of the school year.  A teacher leaving the classroom meant that I got to go on a wild ride of substitute teachers in and out until we have finally found one who can stick around for the rest of the year.....I hope.  Shortly after, we got to live through the 2 weeks each year that are blocked out and rearranged for students across the state to take the FCAT standardized tests.  Additionally, we've gotten several new students into my classes these last few weeks, many of them bringing new and somewhat unpleasant challenges that I get to learn to cope with.  The former boss was also in charge of our school's Beta Club, and that has now become my responsibility as well.