Saturday, December 31, 2011

One Last Look: A Year in the Life of Red!

Several days ago I wrote a post -- 2011: A Year of Firsts and New Experiences -- looking back on the adventures and experiences of my family over the 2011 calendar year.  Now, 10 hours before the end of 2011, I thought I would give you all a look back at the Red! Blog over this past year.  So here is an at-a-glance look at the content of the posts of 2011:


Thanks for reading Red! this year!  Have a happy new year, and we'll see you in 2012!


Friday, December 30, 2011

Hush Little Baby

As I sit down to write this, it is 10:00p.m. on a Friday night.  Kaleb is sound asleep in his new "Big Kid" bed, and has been for about an hour and a half.  Unfortunately, my news feed is currently filled with posts by friends who are struggling to get their kids to go to bed or to sleep.

People often tell me that I am very lucky to have a child who goes to bed without a fight -- and they're right!  I love not having to deal with tears and tantrums to get Kaleb into bed when it's time.  But, while he was an excellent sleeper as a baby, I worked to maintain his good sleep habits as he got older by establishing a routine early on and sticking to it faithfully, with very rare exceptions.

2 days old, 1st night home from hospital
I've discovered that some of my friends are surprised that Kaleb sleeps "so much."  And, by comparing notes with friends and some coworkers, I've learned that Kaleb sleeps more than many of my friends' children.  At Kaleb's last check-up, I asked his pediatrician if that was ok....was Kaleb sleeping too much?  The answer I got?  Nope, Kaleb is sleeping just enough, and many of the other children I know aren't getting nearly enough!

So, in hopes that maybe someone I know can find some information here they can use, I'm publishing here some of the info I got from Kaleb's pediatrician as well as some of the methods I have used myself.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

2011: A Year of Firsts and New Experiences

The Pensacola Pelican Drop Pelican
Here we are at the end of 2011.  At some times during this past year, the days have seemed to fly by; at others, time seems to have been moving soooo sloooowly.  But slow or fast, the time has passed.  It's time to close the book on 2011 and prepare for 2012.

At the end of 2010, I blogged about the year in a post entitled "The Obligatory Year-End Blog Post."  The title, of course, was to make a joke of the fact that pretty much every blogger of any kind writes a New Year or End-of-Year post.  But after putting a lot of work into my blog this year, updating and formatting and improving and writing more often, I've come to see that blogging isn't such a joke.  Even if no one else cares to read my writings, I've learned that writing is my therapy.  Any time I've had a bad day, a good day, a boring day, a challenging day, or any other sort of ordinary or not-so-ordinary day, I can use my blog as a place to chronicle the events of Kaleb's and my life.  And on particularly emotional days, writing is more cathartic than crying, more of a release than talking, and more comforting -- and healthier -- than all the standard comfort foods.

Originally, I had planned to wait and post this on New Year's Eve, but I've decided to go ahead and post a little ahead of schedule.

And so, as we launch into 2012, here is my look back at the past year:

Monday, December 26, 2011

Dumplin, Monkey, Snickerdoodle!

 Since becoming a parent almost 3 years ago, I have begun to notice how common it is for parents to give their children nicknames.  Some are standard nicknames, like calling Robert "Bobby" instead or calling William "Will" or Benjamin "Ben" or Patricia "Patty" or Christina "Tina."  It's not uncommon to hear that a boy who shares his father's name might be called "Junior."  I even attended high school with a boy called "Tres" (which he pronounced 'tray') because he was the third in his family to have the same name -- both his father and grandfather had the same name.  These sorts of nicknames are fairly common, and no one seems to bat an eye or give a second thought when being introduced to Jeff (instead of Jeffrey) or Jake (instead of Jacob) or Becky (instead of Rebecca).

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas for My Child

In a couple of weeks, Kaleb will be turning 3 years old!  I can't believe how fast he is growing up.  And as Kaleb grows up, his desire to know everything about the world around him only increases.  As a parent, this is both exciting and frightening for me, as those of you who are parents are sure to understand.  I'm excited that he has such an appetite for knowledge; I'm entertained, and often amused, at his fascination with new things and the innocent ways he interprets the new things he sees; and I'm scared to death of all the many bad things there are in the world that he will eventually learn about.

One of the hardest things I have to decide as Kaleb's mother -- and I'm sure this is a personal struggle for most parents -- is deciding what to teach Kaleb, when to teach it, and what interpretations to teach him.  This year, for the first time, Kaleb is starting to understand that there is something special going on that has something to do with this 'Christmas' word he hears all around him.  But what does it mean?

Obviously, with my particular spiritual beliefs, teaching about Jesus will never be an issue.  The "real" holiday for us is the celebration of Yule, which is a more private affair on the day of the winter solstice, and certainly not something catered to by retail.  He'll learn, without being taught, that it is a time for family and charity to others.  When he's older, I'll teach him about that at the same time we discuss other things believed by people with different faiths.  The bigger concern for me is how or what to teach Kaleb about Santa Claus...and I'll have to teach him something because, this time of year, Santa is everywhere.

I grew up in an active church-going family, so I was raised with the story of the baby in the manger.  And our family was also a Santa family.  Stockings were mysteriously filled by Santa Claus as we slept and a few extra presents would also appear under the tree that night, wrapped in paper totally unlike the other gifts and with "fancy" gift tags bearing our names in unfamiliar handwriting.  As a small child, I never questioned the existence of Santa.  Sometime late in elementary school, my friends and I came to the consensus that there was no way Santa could be real.  I didn't feel cheated or disappointed or lied-to.  It was just another one of those "growing up" life lessons like the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.  Of course, I still played along at home because I had a 6-years-younger brother and, well, Santa was just fun!

I always assumed I would be a "Santa parent" as my parents had been.  Why not?

The Origins of "XMas!"

Over the last few weeks, as with every year, my Facebook news feed has become flooded with the angry postings of my devoted and well-intentioned -- albeit misinformed -- Christian friends railing against the atrocities of substituting the word "XMas" for their perceived-to-be-holier term "Christmas."  I generally shake my head, since I know more about the origins of the word XMas than my Christian friends apparently do.  But, since I believe that knowledge is the key to solving many problems, I've decided to tackle the issue in a blog this year in hopes that my news feed will be more XMas-friendly next year.

I'll be quoting excerpts from several other sites, but will include links back to the original articles for those wishing to read them in their entirety.

First, quotes from this article on the Christian Resource Institute's website The Voice:

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Repost: An Open Letter to That 53% Guy

Originally written by Max Udargo on October 12 (2011), and I first saw it on the front page of the Daily Kos several days later.

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Hello,

I briefly visited the “We are the 53%” website, but I first saw your face on a liberal blog. Your picture is quite popular on liberal blogs. I think it's because of the expression on your face. I don't know if you meant to look pugnacious or if we're just projecting that on you, but I think that's what gets our attention.


In the picture, you’re holding up a sheet of paper that says:

I am a former Marine.
I work two jobs.
I don’t have health insurance.
I worked 60-70 hours a week for 8 years to pay my way through college.
I haven’t had 4 consecutive days off in over 4 years.
But I don’t blame Wall Street.
Suck it up you whiners.
I am the 53%.
God bless the USA!

I wanted to respond to you as a liberal. Because, although I think you’ve made yourself clear and I think I understand you, you don’t seem to understand me at all. I hope you will read this and understand me better, and maybe understand the Occupy Wall Street movement better.

First, let me say that I think it’s great that you have such a strong work ethic and I agree with you that you have much to be proud of. You seem like a good, hard-working, strong kid. I admire your dedication and determination. I worked my way through college too, mostly working graveyard shifts at hotels as a “night auditor.” For a time I worked at two hotels at once, but I don’t think I ever worked 60 hours in a week, and certainly not 70. I think I maxed out at 56. And that wasn’t something I could sustain for long, not while going to school. The problem was that I never got much sleep, and sleep deprivation would take its toll. I can’t imagine putting in 70 hours in a week while going to college at the same time. That’s impressive.

I have a nephew in the Marine Corps, so I have some idea of how tough that can be. He almost didn’t make it through basic training, but he stuck it out and insisted on staying even when questions were raised about his medical fitness. He eventually served in Iraq and Afghanistan and has decided to pursue a career in the Marines. We’re all very proud of him. Your picture reminds me of him.

So, if you think being a liberal means that I don’t value hard work or a strong work ethic, you’re wrong. I think everyone appreciates the industry and dedication a person like you displays. I’m sure you’re a great employee, and if you have entrepreneurial ambitions, I’m sure these qualities will serve you there too. I’ll wish you the best of luck, even though a guy like you will probably need luck less than most.

I understand your pride in what you’ve accomplished, but I want to ask you something.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Un-Subscribed

Near the end of every major sports season, I find myself un-subscribing from the statuses of one Facebook sports-fan friend after another in order to rid my News Feed of the constant sports-related updates and team rivalry and posturing.  This could happen during the Stanley Cup, World Cup, World Series, Super Bowl (or other bowl games), March Madness, or numerous other "big" sporting events.

In advance of un-subscribing from anyone, I generally post a status myself to let them know.  Tonight's post went like this:

Initially, I meant my response to my friend, Richelle, to be funny.  But after posting it, I realized that it was actually more accurate than I had planned.  I do un-subscribe from people from time to time; we all do, and modern technology makes it easier and easier all the time!

You've done it, too.  I promise.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Review: Graco Argos™ 70 Car Seat

Evenflo Triumph Advance™
Well, the time has come to upgrade Kaleb to a new car seat! I've been extremely happy with the 2½ years of use I've gotten out of our Evenflo Triumph Advance™ (Ours was mint green and tan instead of light and dark brown.).  But, as with anything else associated with kids, this seat has reached the end of its usefulness for us and is starting to show those wear-and-tear signs that signal the seat may not provide as much protection as it did when it was new.

I've been doing lots of online research on car seats currently available and have also gotten some input from several of my mommy friends.  I've compared brands and safety standards as well as prices.  I want the best protection I can find for my Little Guy, but I also have to find one I can afford to buy!

Once I had all my options narrowed down to a few real possibilities, my friend Sharra and I went to Toys 'R Us (since we don't have a Babies 'R Us) to "play" with the demo models.  One of the things I love about car seat shopping at Toys 'R Us is that they don't strap their demo models down to the shelves, like so many stores do.  That means I was able to haul any seat I want off the shelves and onto the floor to inspect and test out all the features.  It got me a strange look or two from other shoppers.  And upon watching me heave one of the seats back onto the shelf, the sales clerk joked that he guessed he better stay out of my way.  But, none of that bothers me when it comes to choosing a safe seat for my son.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Flowers For No Reason Are The Best!

Flowers I received 10-25-2011.
I have the most amazing friends of anyone I know.  But one friend, in particular, goes far beyond what many others are able to do.  My best friend, Jack, is a man who was raised to understand the power of a flower.

In Jack's family, it was well known that his mother -- and later his sister -- deserved flowers for special days: birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Christmas, etc.  And Jack's father, Darren, passed on this knowledge to both his sons.  Later, he imparted this wisdom on his son-in-law as well.

Over the years, Jack and his brother continued the tradition of giving beautiful gifts of flowers to the women in their lives.  They joined their father in surprising their mother.  Along with their brother-in-law and father, they would send flowers to their sister.  When Jack's brother, Darren Jr., became engaged, his future wife was showered with flowers from men all around the family.  She once told me that, for about 3 weeks after becoming engaged to Darren Jr., her apartment looked more like a florist's shop than a residence.

Side view of the flowers received 10-25-2011.
When Jack and I became friends, it didn't take me long to notice that the women in his life -- both friends and family -- never went a holiday or special event without an arrangement of gorgeous, fresh flowers.  And so, it was no huge shock to me when I received flowers for the first birthday I celebrated after starting a friendship with Jack.  What has shocked me, however, has been the frequency with which I have received these gifts from my friend.

I get flowers for my birthday.  I get flowers for Christmas and Mother's Day.  For Valentine's Day I get flowers, sometimes accompanied by balloons or chocolates or fruit.  I even get flowers for our annual Friend-iversary!

But more amazing than any of these is when I get flowers on non-days....days that aren't holidays or particularly special for any reason.  I get flowers, sometimes, when Jack knows I've had a rough day or when I'm not feeling well.  Other times, I get celebratory flowers when I've had a particularly great day or have had a small victory or success in some area of my life.

The flowers pictured in this post are flowers I received this past Tuesday.  The card said, "I thought going back to work after a nice 3-day weekend would be a let-down for you, so here are your favorites to cheer you up! Have a great day, and I can't wait to talk to you tonight!"

Perfect. ♥


Thursday, October 27, 2011

Things I'm Thinking About

1.  Every single person I work with is grossly underpaid.  Even so, every morning we come back to work, and the majority of us have a smile on our faces.  By the end of each work day, most of us drag ourselves to our cars, wishing we never had to return.  Yet, the next morning, we're all back again with smiling faces.  Are we just the craziest of the crazy?  Lunacy is about the only explanation I can find for such numbers of otherwise-normal people being so willing to spend 180 days every year with children who don't care and dealing with parents who don't care.  Then we all report to politicians who have never taught anything.....probably even hired "other" people to teach their dogs how to not pee on the carpet....and have to live by their legislation of the educational system.  No wonder some of my 8th graders can't multiply 3 times 3 without a calculator!

2.  Why do older moms with one child often seem to think they know more about parenting than younger moms with one child?  Didn't we all learn it by experience, and often on the fly?  You don't know me; you don't know my child.  I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child.  Leave me alone.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Parents Beware This Teen Alcoholic Trick!

With the abundance of candies available to teens and children of all ages this time of year, I thought I'd share this bit of info about a "new" trend spreading among America's teens: sneaking alcohol by soaking it into candy!

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There will never be a shortage of ways for underage kids to get drunk, and adults will always be a few steps behind. The trend of soaking gummy bears in liquor isn't anything new, but it had remained a secret from most people for years. This past week, news outlets across the country have been warning of this “new trend” of vodka soaked gummy bears, so I guess this teen secret is finally out.

Teens have been increasingly using gummy bears as a way of concealing alcohol from parents and authorities. By soaking the bears in vodka or rum, they are free to walk the streets drinking without having to sneak sips or hide a bottle. While the news segment's intention is obviously to make parents aware of this trend, they may have inadvertently introduced a great idea to a large number of under-age kids who were unaware of the idea. The YouTube tutorial has jumped from 17,000 to 50,000 views since this news clip went live.

Vodka is a powerful alcohol that no teen should be experimenting with, but many do in part because of its relatively mild alcohol odor. Kids think it's harder for their parents, police, coaches and teachers to detect and it's become even harder now that teens are concealing it in gummy candy.

Kids across the country know about it, and police said it's something parents should, too.

Kids are using this as a way to bypass identification of bringing alcohol into events and into school.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Stingy Jack of the Lantern

Last year, as Halloween approached, I wrote a blog post entitled "Halloween: Are You Being Tricked?"  It discussed many of the various beginnings of Halloween traditions and their roots in pagan holiday festivals.  It occurred to me today, as I am sitting here thinking what sort of face to carve into this pumpkin I bought for Kaleb, that last year's post did not include the Jack-O-Lantern tradition.  So, here it is!

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When we think of Jack-o-Lanterns today we think of the carved pumpkins with candles lighting them brightly from within; but did you know that the Jack-o-Lantern actually has deep historical roots and originally didn't even involve a pumpkin? The Jack-o-Lantern stems from an old Irish myth about a man named Stingy Jack.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Saw This & Loved It Enough To Share

“Forgiveness breaks the chain of causality because he who 'forgives' you--out of love--takes upon himself the consequences of what you have done. Forgiveness, therefore, always entails a sacrifice.

The price you must pay for your own liberation through another's sacrifice is that you in turn must be willing to liberate in the same way, irrespective of the consequences to yourself.”
― Dag Hammarskjöld


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

One Lie Wednesday (Vol. 3)

Most people who've ridden with me already know that I sing along to the radio.  And anyone who's been beside me at a stop light knows that I don't care who sees me belting out my favorite tunes!

I'm not sure how many people would know about the little black cat we had when I was married.  When we found her, she was stuck in the chimney of my then-husband's parents' house while we were there visiting them for Thanksgiving.  She was half way down the chimney, too scared to go down more and unable to climb or jump up.  The hubs and his dad managed to get her out.  When I first saw her, I didn't know if she was a black cat or if she was black from chimney soot.  A bath revealed that the black was natural, and we ended up keeping her.

So, the lie was the fact that stated that my favorite flowers are yellow tulips.  I'm sure my friend Jack knows my favorite flower, but for the rest of you, it's the Orange Satin Oriental Lily (sometimes called an Asiatic Lily).  They're absolutely beautiful!  Look:



Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Two Truths Tuesday (Vol. 3)

Fact 1:
I sing along with the radio when I'm in the car, and I don't care who sees me!

Fact 2:
When I was married, our first pet was a cat we found in a chimney.

Fact 3:
Yellow tulips are my absolute favorite flower.

As with each week, two of these facts are true and one is a lie.  See if you can guess which is which!  Post your guesses in the comments section below.


Friday, October 7, 2011

Are Intelligent Women Allowed To Say This?

Modern feminism has been alive and kicking, in one form or another, in the Unites States since those first bold few began to fought for -- and won -- womens' right to vote in the early part of the 20th century.  Since then, there has been one milestone after another, each one seen as either victory or defeat for the cause of feminine equality.  These days, "gender" is a protected class under the nation's many anti-discrimination laws, giving women of my generation access to opportunities that my grandmothers and their mothers probably could not have even imagined.

But have we gone too far?

I know I may receive some odd looks from my fellow women as a result of this post, but it's my blog, and I'll post whatever of my personal views I choose.

Let's face it: men and women are not the same.  This, of course, is not to say that either gender is any better, or worse, than the other.  It is just a simple biological fact.  Our bodies are built differently, and designed to perform different functions.  Our body chemistries are different.  Our brains work in different ways.  We have different strengths and weaknesses, that allow us to nicely compliment one another and create a diverse and productive society.

In general, men are physically stronger than women.  They are taller, hairier.  Historically, their physical dominance has put men into the roles of war-maker, conquerer, bread-winner, and head-of-household.  Men have gone millenia with rarely-challenged authority.  They have built nations, cities, and homes.  They created democracy and other forms of government.  They have founded religions, political parties, and universities.  They have made many of the world's most profound discoveries.

Women have traditionally been the home-makers, the child-bearers, the nurturers.  While men have been out running the world, women have been home caring for the next generation.  Women are primarily responsible for the continuance of humanity.  And while a woman does require the help of a man to give life to her children, that man was once the child born to another woman.  Women have founded charities, nurses armies of wounded soldiers back to health, and fed and clothed their neighbors in need, and taken in orphans.

If we are honest with ourselves, we see the evidence that even society realizes and acts upon the differences in men and women, sometimes even to the detriment of one group or the other.  Our military tries to keep women away from the "front lines" in war zones and they cannot serve on submarines.  Boys are often taught that showing emotions is "girly," and girls are labeled "tom boys" if they're more interested in sports than make-up.  We devote the entire month of October to Breast Cancer Awareness, but you'll rarely hear anyone mention the fact that men can be stricken with breast cancer, too!  There are numerous organizations dedicated to protecting women from rape, but men -- especially heterosexual men -- who report being raped are often ridiculed or thought to be liars.  News and society spend lots of time talking about the abundance of "deadbeat dads" without ever bringing up the numbers of women who abandon their children without support.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

[Guest Blogger] Forgiving Those Who Are Unforgivable

This post was written by my good friend, Amanda.  Her previous post on my blog can be found here, and you can read more about Amanda and my other guest bloggers here.

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Someone I loved and trusted hurt my little ones. I was justifiably angry. I wanted to destroy him. I wanted to torture him. I wanted to take everything from him. I didn't. I went to the law and let the law take care of that person. My children and I moved on. It's taken time, but our lives now seem normal, and we are happy and safe again. It's been a long journey, a journey that really isn't over. The old wounds will be opened up occasionally in the future, but only slightly, and we'll be okay.

Its the person who hurt us that I worry about now. Will he be able to heal. Will he get the help he needs. Will he be able to have joy in the future. The wound he's made in himself will continue to be a deep one, I think.
This leads me to forgiveness. If I had held on to my anger, the wounds in all of us would have stayed open. We wouldn't be able to move on. We'd be frozen in the pain and past.

I don't know if I will ever be able to talk to him again, but I know that if that moment comes, I will be okay and I will be friendly. My life is no longer intwined with his, but I'm okay with him having happiness in his life. And I'm doing what I should do in helping him and my children in their healing process.

God bless you on your journey. I have left you in His hands. He knew what you would do. He knew what we all needed, and I thank Him that He will use your wrong choices to make us stronger and better people.


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

One Lie Wednesday (Vol. 2)

Ready for the answer to yesterday's post?

The False Fact was, unfortunately, #3.  I do make an effort to read blogs written by my friends, as well as a variety of others written by people I do not know.  However, sometimes life, work, and motherhood get in the way and I miss a post or don't read them until a week after they're written.  Darn all these grown-up responsibilities!


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Two Truths Tuesday (Vol. 2)

Here we go again!  It's time for this week's game of Two Truths & One Lie!

Fact 1:
I was too sick on Tuesday to write this post, and so it is being written on Wednesday and back-dated to look like a Tuesday post.

Fact 2:
I have written something (a blog post, journal, letter, etc.) every day since May of 2005.

Fact 3:
I faithfully read all the blogs written by my friends.

Put your guesses in the comments section and check tomorrow's post for the answer!


Monday, October 3, 2011

An Appropriate Little Treasure

Today was a stereotypical Monday.  I woke up early, but couldn't shake off the sleep and get it in gear.  The extra things that needed to be done this morning went undone.  Kaleb woke up groggy too, and lazed his way through breakfast.  He was a sweet little guy all morning, but s-l-o-w.

We finally made it out the door, about 10 minutes later than usual, but luckily I usually have 10 spare minutes after getting to work.  So, today I just wouldn't have that extra time.  On the way to drop Kaleb off at daycare, we got stuck behind one of the slowest drivers in Pensacola and had to make our way around a 3-car accident.

I finally made it to work and signed in exactly on time.  My day was busy busy busy.  On my rushed walk between 2 of my afternoon classes, I came upon -- and nearly missed entirely -- a little "treasure" that made me smile.  And it made me think.

So what was my happy little find?

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

One Lie Wednesday (Vol. 1)

Last night I began a new weekly feature here on my blog.  If you missed it, you can read that post by

Tonight I'll tell you which facts from last night were true and which were false.

Stay tuned next week to play again!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Two Truths Tuesday! (Vol. 1)

After deciding a while back that I'd like to work some sort of regular weekly feature into my blog, I finally hit upon the right inspiration during the first couple of weeks of school.  One of the Getting-To-Know-You games played in several of the classes I work with is called "Two Truths & A Lie."  Each participant writes down 3 facts about herself, two of which are truthful and a third which is an untruth (lie).  The players of the game take turns reading the facts they have written about themselves to the group, and then the rest of the group tries to guess which facts are truth and which are fiction.

So starting today, and for as many weeks as I can keep it up without becoming redundant, I will be playing this game with my readers!  Every Tuesday will be "Two Truths Tuesday," and I'll post all 3 of my facts.  The following day will be "One Lie Wednesday," when I will reveal which of the facts given was the untruth.  On the Tuesday post, feel free to leave your guesses about which facts you believe to be true or false.  If this feature becomes popular, I have several friends who have already agreed to donate prizes, which will be awarded to people randomly selected from those who guesses correctly about the {Truthiness} (thank you Stephen Colbert) of my posted facts!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Open Letter To A Man Named "Ross Banks"

I received a message today on Facebook.  The sender of the message, apparently, is too cowardly to allow me to reply, since when I tried to reply, I discovered that he had blocked me.  So, in this post, I have copied (unedited) his message to me and have added my reply.  In general, I wouldn't post a message in a public forum like this if it was originally meant to be a private message.  However, if you do not allow me the courtesy of a private reply, I will still reply in some manner, even if it has to be public.  If he read my blog once, perhaps he will read it again and see this.  If he doesn't, well, the rest of my readers will.

Matthew, Part VI: Do Not Assume

I can't stand how people who are completely removed from the situation -- either by geographical distance, emotional distance, or time -- assume that they know what's going on and what the motives are behind the actions of those of us who are here and in touch and involved.

So, just for the record:

Those of you who want to be mad about what you perceive as insensitivity (specifically the posting of the LINK to the website with all the links to public info on Matt's current situation) should just ask before getting so mad.  The creator of the site has made no secret of his identity, so 2 or 3 minutes of reading would have told you exactly who built the site.  You're so busy worrying about the fact that the site isn't all loaded with touchy-feely emotions and outpourings of love for Matt.  What you seem to have forgotten is that the honest details of what has happened.....well, they're not pretty.  What you don't know, is that the site is there because I spent several days trying to dispel rumors that Matt had raped or shot or killed someone, rumors that were wholly untrue.  But the rumors were too numerous and widespread for me to eradicate on my own.  So, yes, the decision was made to re-post the site, with links to all the real information, so that it would show up near the top of Google search results containing Matt's name.  What's on the site is just facts and links to this blog, all of which were already available to the public.  All the site does is put them all in one place.  And, just so you'll know, Matt is fully aware that the site is there, and is aware of what the site's contents are, and agrees that it is a quick and effective way to disseminate truths and kill the misinformation.

Those of you who keep saying things like "Matt's not a criminal" need to realize that the evidence says that Matt is most definitely a criminal.  People who commit crimes are, as a result of their actions, criminals.  It appears that, in one night of bad decisions, he committed a series of crimes and is, therefore, a criminal.  I wholeheartedly believe that these crimes do not reflect Matt's true nature, but I cannot ignore the huge body of evidence that says the crimes did happen.  None of us may know all the factors that contributed to these events.  I agree that Matt definitely does need help and support.  But your denial of the facts doesn't help Matt any.  Let's all just admit that Matt is a man who has gotten himself into some pretty deep trouble and is going to need the support of lots of people to begin rebuilding a life for himself somewhere down the road once all of this is over someday in the future.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Kaleb's Stunning Summer Portraits

I know a woman named Sharra who is a photographer, once only as a hobby...and now professionally as the owner of her own portrait studio.  Back in March of 2010, Sharra and her husband Matt and their daughter Bella invited Kaleb and me to go out to Ft. Pickens with them on a Sunday afternoon for some sightseeing, and fun, and photography.  It was super windy, and chillier than we expected, but the result (for me) was this lovely photo of my little guy (right --->).

Well, more recently, Sharra finally was able to get permanent studio space for herself, and is officially open for business.  I was so excited to be able to take Kaleb there for his summer portraits just before school started back!

As of today, Sharra is running a portrait special until the end of the month.  If you "Like" Bella Angel Photography on Facebook, book a session for Sept. or Oct. 2011, and pay for the session before the end of Sept., your session fee is only $15!  That's a great deal, in case you aren't aware what other quality photographers charge in and around Pensacola.

I was incredibly happy with the prints from Kaleb's summer portraits, as well as the great prices Sharra offers her customers!  Check out the stunning quality of our pics below (my faves from our session), then go book a session for yourself, your kids, or your whole family....no, really, go book a session now!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

You Don't Know Jack.

Knowing that I'd been a bit more stressed than normal lately, my darling friend, Jack, sent me surprise flowers at work today -- for no reason other than the fact that he loves me.  So, Jack, in case I didn't tell you enough earlier, THANK YOU SO MUCH for being the best friend I could want in my life, and I love you dearly.  You are an amazing man.

♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥  ♥ ♥ 

So, for the record, my Jack has spectacularly wonderful taste and always managed to find the most gorgeous flowers and gifts to send me.  Don't believe me?  See for yourself!  Below are the beauties he sent me today.

 

See, I told ya!  Ain't he great?!  


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Humanity

I, like most people I know, have spent most of my life taking for granted to fact that I am human.  I'm not talking about the fact that I am human as opposed to being canine or feline or bovine, exactly, but rather about the fact that I, as a human person, am capable of having feelings and expressing them and acting upon them.  It had never occurred to me that people -- human beings -- could be put into a situation where their humanity itself is limited or taken away altogether.

Sure, I've seen the news reports of wars and terrorists, murderers and rapists, abusive parents and the isolated instance of clergy or teachers being inappropriate with young people.  But I'm under 30 years old.  There has not been a time in my life when the United States was not at was with some Middle Eastern nation.  There has not been a time in my life where tragedy wasn't a "top story" on every evening's news cast.  I suppose that compromised humanity, like anything else, starts to seem like less of a big deal when it is so common in everyday life.

The past couple of weeks have begun to open my eyes to the reality that has surrounded me, unnoticed, throughout my entire life:

♦ As most of my readers have surely ascertained by now, my son's father is currently in jail, put there by a string of horribly bad choices he made late one night earlier this month. I haven't had much contact with him in a little over a year, even though we've known one another for the better part of 20 years now.  His life decisions led him down a path away from Kaleb and myself, and now they've put him in a terrible situation.  Having stayed in touch with his family during the time I've been apart from him (after all, they are Kaleb's family too), I know that none of them have the resources to bail him out (literally) of where he sits now, and so it is likely he will have to remain there until there is some resolution -- likely through a trial -- of this case.  And, depending on the details of that resolution, he could be there for much, much longer.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Matthew, Part V: The Letter I Will Actually Be Sending

Dear Matt,

I think it's fair to say that when I first met you, almost 20 years ago, I could never have imagined that I would be writing you a letter like this under these circumstances.

I don't know what has changed within you during the year since I last had contact with you on the day that you accompanied your mom to my house when she came to visit Kaleb, but I am writing now to tell you that I want back the “old” Matt.

I want back the Matt who used to drive out to Beulah 5 days a week to pick me up at my bus stop and drive me the ¼ mile down the road to my house. I want back the Matt who was so committed to your public service that you parked your girlfriend (me) and his car across the street from an active structure fire and went, without even a pair of long pants, to see how you could help your fellow firefighters. I want back the Matt who took off work to show up at my house unexpectedly and surprise me with a dozen red roses on the evening that I would be graduating high school. I want back the Matt who drove out to Perdido in a panic a few days later to make one last futile attempt at preventing our break-up. I want back the Matt who tried to talk me out of a marriage I would later see had been a bad idea from the start. I want back the Matt who made time to come hang out with me one last time before I moved away to California with my new husband. I want back the Matt who was never too busy to take my calls when I was lonely and far from home in California. I want back the Matt who drove to Sarasota with my dad to rescue me from a bad living situation mid-way through my husband's deployment. I want back the Matt whose shoulders soaked up gallons of tears when I discovered that my husband was coming home from deployment, but not coming back to me. I want the Matt who drove me out to a quiet dark beach to help me calm down when I fell apart after seeing a movie about a woman who lost the man she loved to war. I want back the Matt who never complained about being woken up at ridiculous hours because I needed to talk, or sometimes because I just didn't want to be alone. I want back the Matt who bought your dad a new blender to keep him from being mad at me for breaking the old one by trying to blend rock-hard frozen strawberries.....even after some of those strawberries became airborne missiles that narrowly missed your head. I want back the Matt who was visibly excited about the prospect of having a son. I want back the Matt who had to fight back tears when you first met your 6-month-old little boy. I want back the Matt who calmed my fears at the thought of our little boy having surgery twice before his first birthday, even though you must have been worried too.

I want back the Matt whom I could go without seeing for months and then pick right back up as if we'd never been apart. I want back the Matt I respected; the Matt I trusted; the Matt I knew would never let me down. I want back the Matt who would defend me and rescue me no matter how stupid a mistake I had made.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Fidelity

I began writing this post back at the beginning of the week.  Originally, I intended to write my opinions about the ridiculousness of people who try to maintain healthy "open" relationships and the shamefulness of people who are unfaithful to their spouses or partners.  I wrote about half the post, intending to finish writing it, proofread it, and publish it the following evening (Tuesday).  However, by the time Tuesday evening rolled around, I had begun receiving texts and calls about the events surrounding Matt's arrest.  This post got moved to a back burner, as other things were occupying my mind and I wanted to blog about those things instead.

This morning, I decided it would be a good time to finish up this post and get it published to the blog.  However, as I sat down to write, I realized that the word "fidelity" has taken on new meaning in my life over the last few days and has come to represent an entirely different set of values and principles -- principles that, at this time in my life, are more important.

Weird



Friday, September 9, 2011

Matthew, Part IV: An Emotional Evolution

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These last few days have taken my emotions and feelings on a roller-coaster ride of change.  When I first began receiving texts and calls from friends who were concerned about me and checking on me, I had no idea what everyone was talking about.  At first, I got only a very little bit of information.....just enough to scare me.

Luckily, public information doesn't take too terribly long to update locally, and I soon was every to read every terrible detail contained in the police reports.  After reading the "Local News" versions of the story, I was completely and utterly horrified to think that someone I had known so well and for so long could possibly commit acts of the type of which Matt has been accused.

Over the following day or so, I went through a range of emotions:
     Shock at the idea that Matt could be capable of such terrible things,
     Fear over wondering if I had been in danger from Matt and hadn't even realized it,
     Worry, both for Matt being in jail and for the welfare of the victim and her family,
     Anger,
     Disappointment,
     Confusion,
     And mixed emotions in trying to decide how I felt about Matt on a personal level.

Matthew, Part III: A "Dear Matt" Letter

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Dear Matt,

I write this letter not knowing when or if you will ever see it.  I do not have a way to contact you, though, and there are some things I need to say to you.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Matthew, Part II: The Aftermath of Poor Choices

By the end of this post, many of my friends may decide I have completely lost my mind.  Some people will disagree with everything I'm about to write, and if you are one of them, it is completely within your rights to disagree.  If you haven't read Part I part of this series, you might want to start there and then come back to this post.

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Over the last several days, people who know Matt have been reading about his actions in the early morning hours of September 6, 2011 and his ensuing arrest.  I'll not be posting any details in this post, so if you don't know what's going on, you're going to have to hunt down your own info.  If you decide to go looking for info, I would recommend using a online public information resource such as www.escambiaclerk.com or www.escambiaso.com.  I favor these over local news sites or Facebook gossip.

As I began to hear about these events, I posted a generic request to any of my friends who prayed in some fashion to pray for an unnamed person.  At the time, I didn't think it appropriate to post Matt's name before I had gathered more information on what was happening.  I received 6 comments on that prayer request post.  One commenter, my friend Raechel, said that she would pray for the person.  The other 5 comments I deleted as quickly as I saw them, as each one of them had guessed who the "unnamed person" was and had felt justified in posting varying levels of hateful comments telling me that he didn't deserve anyone's prayers.

Matthew, Part I: Parallel Histories

Matthew Nanny came into my life as a child.  He attended the church where my dad worked at the time (also where our family attended church).  I was in the 4th grade; he was in 6th.

At that time, our age/grade differences put us into different groups within the church.  I was still participating in elementary activities, and he was among the youngest in the youth group.  To those of us in the elementary group, all the youth group kids seemed so much older, and to them, I'm sure we all seemed like such babies.  There weren't many activities that brought the elementary and youth groups together, so most of the interaction between us was in the form of joking and teasing in the hallways of the church during between services and Sunday school lessons and Bible studies and choir practices.  I remember that Matt wasn't mean to those of us who were in the younger groups.  He may have teased us a bit, but it was never mean-spirited.

The summer before I entered 8th grade, my dad got a job at a different church, and so our family began attending services at that new church.  I lost tough with Matt, for the most part, only seeing him at activities where the youth groups from several churches got together.  When we did cross paths at activities such as these, Matt would always smile or wave or say hello.

The summer before my Sophomore year of high school (1998), Matt and I ended up at one of these multi-church youth group events at Big Lagoon State Park.  Throughout the afternoon, we ended up chatting several times.  We next met up at a multi-church lock-in that fall.  At the time, I was in 10th grade, and Matt was in 12th.  We didn't attend the same school, but there was a spark of interest that night at the lock in, and before the night was over, I had received my first kiss -- from Matt.  A week later, I got permission from my parents to invite Matt to our family Thanksgiving.  He wasn't the first person whom I had called "boyfriend," but he was probably the first real boyfriend I had ever had.  Unfortunately, relationships between teens, who attend different schools and don't drive yet, are difficult to maintain.  This case was no different, and the entire deal lasted less than a month.  Afterwards, we lost contact again for a while.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Education Begins In The Home.....Doesn't It?

At many schools, the first bit of the school year is the teacher's best chance to use classroom time to assess the skills of new students and review with all students the new skills learned at the end of the previous year.  Our school is no different.

This year, my 7th period class is Language Arts with 8th graders.  What follows is a retelling of an actual encounter I had with an 8th grade boy in this class today.

The assignment today consisted of worksheets with several sentences that needed to be corrected.  They were missing capital letters and punctuation.  There were misspelled words and instances of improper word usage.  Space was provided on the worksheets, and the students were supposed to use the spaces to rewrite the sentences correctly, fixing all the errors.  They had to do this on their own first, and then we would go over it as a class so that the students could make changes to correct errors they might have missed on their own.

A student raised his hand, so I went to see if he had a question about the assignment.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

[Guest Blogger] Living the "Golden Rule"

Some of the people who read my blog with any regularity may be slightly surprised to find me posting a guest blog containing Biblical scripture.  However, while I do not affiliate myself with any Christian faith, I am not wholly against many of the principles set forth by New Testament texts.  I find no fault with a faith based upon love and respect for all of mankind, and this is the type of life many of my Christian friends try to live.

When I invite a friend to guest-post on my blog, it is often because that friend has something to say that speaks from a viewpoint other than my own.  Amanda, the author of the post below, has been my friend since we met here in Pensacola in 2001.  At the time, we were both military wives living in the same apartment complex.  Though our life paths have taken us in different directions, both spiritually and geographically, I am glad to still call her my friend.  Read more about Amanda here (open in new window).

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Matthew 5:38-48
New International Version (NIV)


“You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.



Saturday, August 27, 2011

Avoid Cat Fights By Hangin' With The Dogs

Does a girl need girl friends or guy friends?
A friend posted this quote online a few days ago:
"Men socialize by insulting each other, but not really meaning it. Women socialize by complimenting each other, but not really meaning it either."

Comfortable silence.
Upon reading the quote, I realized how true it really is.  In fact, if is this reality that has shaped the majority of my friendships throughout my life.  This is not to say that I've never had female friends.  In fact, I have several of them right now.  However, over the course of my life, it has always been my guy friends whom I turned to when depressed or lonely or scared or in crisis.  It has also always been my guy friends with whom I would first share happy news and successes.  In fact, at every major life even since I was a teenager, my first call was always to one of my guy friends, and girl friends eventually found out later.  It never occurred to me that things should be any different.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

[Guest Blogger] If I Were A Betting Man

The author of this post, David Odom, was one of my classmates at Tate High School here in Pensacola.  Since reconnecting with him on Facebook, I have become a frequent reader of his blog, Better Than Machines.  I particularly appreciated his latest post, and so have gotten his permission to re-post it here for my readers.

Read more about David here (opens in new window).

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One of the sites I check compulsively each day is Intrade.com. I like to look at the political prediction markets, which give what are essentially the market-determined odds of someone winning an election or a bill passing. I've been watching Obama's odds of re-election for a while now. After Osama bin Laden was killed, they temporarily jumped up to about 70%. The odds stayed above 60% for most of June but then began a slow slide down to around 56%. In August, the numbers plummeted to around 50%. And for a couple of days at the end of last week, for the first time, the market was predicting Obama would probably not be re-elected, with his odds at 49%. (As of this writing it's at 50.5%.) [Note: Odds at 52.1% as Red! Blogger is re-posting this.]

It's fun to watch how the news affects the numbers, but let me tell you why I think Obama is still a good bet: The Field of Republican Candidates.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Happy School Year!

I'll admit it, I'm a complete sucker for the Frosted Mini-Wheats television commercials.  They're clever and adorable, and their "Your Eight Layers Are Showing" catch phrase makes me giggle.  They also do a great job at helping to bring attention to Kellogg's desire to give kids a filling breakfast and start their school days off right.

These little guys are always talking about having eight layers.  Aren't we all a little like that?   Perhaps not in the literal sense, but aren't we all composed of layers?  I am.  I am teacher, co-worker, employee, citizen, daughter, friend, and mother all wrapped in an outer layer of the complete "me."

The Mini-Wheats guy's newest commercial is modeled after a New Year's Eve celebration, where the little Mini-Wheats guys are riding to the first day of a new school year on the shoulders of the students.  They are discussing their School Year's Resolutions, to "keep the kids full and focused," and it got me thinking: Why don't we all make School Year's Resolutions?  I think it would be a great idea for any of us who are involved with kids or school -- parents, teachers, teaching aides, other school personnel, even the kids themselves!

I've decided to do it, for myself.  I've been thinking about aspects of my life, inside and outside of work, that are affected by my job at the school.  I know that making too many resolutions will make it harder to keep any of them and, therefore, make those resolutions more likely to be forgotten.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

[Guest Blogger] Day 26: Abortion

Through Facebook, I have become online-friends with an Orthodox Catholic priest, Father Nathan Monk, who lives and works here in Pensacola, FL.  Within some circles, he has gained a bit of local "fame" through his tireless efforts to help the poorest of the poor within our community.  Read more about Father Monk here (opens in new window).

Over this past month, Fr. Monk has been writing a series of notes on Facebook, each addressing a different aspect of his personal life, spiritual life, social beliefs, political beliefs, or some mixture of any of these.  Tonight, with his permission, I am reposting his "Day 26: Abortion" note, in hopes that it may be shared with a greater audience.

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Once in a while I'll see something that truly makes me wish that I could think and act quicker than time. 
Kind of like after someone insults you, and it's not until you get home that the perfect comeback finally makes it into your brain. But this was so much bigger than that. I was walking along 9th Ave and I was a few blocks up from the abortion clinic, and I hadn't even thought about the fact that it was Friday morning, they day the abortions take place. I heard some commotion and I turned around to witness a small black sedan pulling out of the parking lot. The lone picketer ran up to the car and jumped as close to in front of it as he's legally allowed, holding a graphic sign of an aborted baby with limbs ripped apart, and he yelled, "Look! Look what you did to your baby, your little baby, you killed it! MOMMY WHY DID YOU KILL ME, MOMMY!?" I would have given anything in the world to be able to transport myself into that woman's car and hold her hand and tell her that somehow it would all be ok. That Jesus makes all things new. But instead, I was limited by space and time to be standing there, a few blocks away, helpless.

Friday, August 5, 2011

The Ups & Downs of Parenting a 2-Year-Old

Is he a devil?  Is he an angel?  Yep!
I sometimes feels as if I'm actually parenting two 2-year-olds rather than just my one.  Kaleb's moods and behavior vary so wildly lately from one day to the next, from one hour to the next, sometimes from one minute to the next.  Some days I fall asleep thinking of what a wonderful day I had with my sweet little angel; other nights I lie awake fuming mad or nearly in tears over the horrible day I've spent with my demon spawn....and, of course, I experience a range of feelings between those two extremes.

I suppose this is probably true of most children, at least some time in their lives.  It may even have been true of my child for a while already.  But it was never anything I noticed until a few months ago.  With all the time that Kaleb and I have spent together this summer, while I haven't been working over the summer break, it is something that I notice more and more often.  And never has it been more obvious to me than in the difference between yesterday and today.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Am I Whittling Away My Social Connections?

Over the past year, I have slowly begun to remove people from my "friend" lists on various social networks, people with whom I have little or no contact.  We don't ever get together, talk on the phone, chat online, or even comment on one another's online movements.  Most of this process is playing out between two digital places.

My Facebook friend list has 75 contacts, as of today, down from over 300 just one year ago.  Of these 75 contacts, about a dozen of them are people I see in person with some regularity.  Another dozen are people who are not local enough anymore for us to get together in person.  The other two-thirds or so are people who post statuses that I enjoy reading....and I don't expect them to make efforts to contact me.  A few of them don't even post online but once every few months.

Friday, June 24, 2011

21 Parenting Lessons I Learned From My Parents

I've discovered that the older I get, the smarter my parents get. Ok, so maybe they're not so much getting smarter as I am learning how smart they've been all along. Nothing has done so much to show me the depth and breadth of my parents' intelligence than becoming a parent myself. Sure, I read the books, did research online, and heard the advice of basically everyone who knew me. But the most important things I know about parenting are things I learned from my own memories.

My parents and I rarely saw eye-to-eye when I was a growing up. There are still times when we disagree over one thing or another. And there are even things about parenting that we see differently. But, still, it is from my parents that I learned what really matters when it comes to raising children.

So, here, are the 21 Most Important Parenting Lessons I Learned From My Own Parents:



1. Take pictures.
  • Some kids like it. Some kids don't. But when they get all grown up, either you or they (or both) will be glad to have photographic documentation of their childhoods. You don't have to be a professional photographer or have fancy camera equipment to capture happy and funny memories. Make sure you get pictures of your child with all their relatives, especially the older ones who may not still be around once the children are all grown up.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Why Must Personal Be Made Public?

There's so much in the news about the private lives--rather, what should be the private lives--of politicians and celebrities.  I just don't understand why it's news.

It began when I was in school, watching the Congress attempt to impeach then-President Clinton over events stemming from his affair with a White House intern.  I wasn't much aware of politics at the time, but even then I didn't understand why his bedroom behavior was on the news every minute of the day and why the Congress was getting involved.

Over the following years, numerous politicians at local, state, and national levels were found to be cheating on their wives...some with other women, and one or two with men.  Each time this was discovered, it filled the headlines and "top stories" for weeks.  And still I thought, "who cares?"

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Special Prayers Needed

6 years ago, today, a special little boy was born. His name is Gabriel, and he is the 3rd son of my best friend, Chris.

Gabriel's life has been filled with medical problems--among them: an essentially useless/ineffective immune system. Things that other kids would get over in a day or two can become major medical issues for Gabe. When Gabe was first born, I was a stand-in extra-mom to him for a while, and he became very important to me. He still is. He is a very loved little boy, and very well taken-care-of by his family and all the friends of the family.

Today, Gabe is spending his 6th birthday being rushed into emergency surgery. What began as a scratch on the cornea of his eye days ago has become, because of his lack of immune system, a terrible eye infection...and your eyes are dangerously close to your brain.

People overuse the phrase "life or death," but this situation could become just that for Gabe.

I am pleading for prayers for this precious child. If you pray, in any manner or form, please take a moment now to pray for Gabriel. Also, please pray for the surgeons in Birmingham who will be performing the surgery...apparently, he had to be taken there because no one in Pensacola is qualified to do this surgery needed.

I don't believe there can be too much prayer, nor I believe there are any "wrong kinds" of prayer, so please share this with anyone you know. Thank you.