21 Parenting Lessons I Learned From My Parents

I've discovered that the older I get, the smarter my parents get. Ok, so maybe they're not so much getting smarter as I am learning how smart they've been all along. Nothing has done so much to show me the depth and breadth of my parents' intelligence than becoming a parent myself. Sure, I read the books, did research online, and heard the advice of basically everyone who knew me. But the most important things I know about parenting are things I learned from my own memories.

My parents and I rarely saw eye-to-eye when I was a growing up. There are still times when we disagree over one thing or another. And there are even things about parenting that we see differently. But, still, it is from my parents that I learned what really matters when it comes to raising children.

So, here, are the 21 Most Important Parenting Lessons I Learned From My Own Parents:

1. Take pictures.

• Some kids like it. Some kids don't. But when they get all grown up, either you or they (or both) will be glad to have photographic documentation of their childhoods. You don't have to be a professional photographer or have fancy camera equipment to capture happy and funny memories. Make sure you get pictures of your child with all their relatives, especially the older ones who may not still be around once the children are all grown up.

2. Talk to them a lot.

• Children learn most of their early skills by watching their parents. Learning to speak is no different. Talking to your children can teach them so much about the world around them. Speak to them the way you want them to speak. If you speak in “baby talk,” so will they. If you curse, they will curse.

3. Read to them. Every day.

• Reading is as important as talking. It is talking....with pictures! Studies have shown for years and years that children who are read to, even before they are old enough to read for themselves or even follow a plot, often learn to read faster than children who are not read to. It also teaches children that reading can be fun! Really, what can be more fun for a child than sitting in a parent's lap and having their undivided attention and being read a story? Not much of anything, that's what.

4. Reward good behavior. Celebrate small wins.

• Did your child do something wonderful that you want them to do as a habit? Did they say “Thank you” without being prompted, help pick up their toys without arguing, or remember to go potty and not go in their training underwear? When children do something right, celebrate it! Cheer them on, praise them, hug them, and make sure there is no question that they have made you happy.

5. Children need spankings.

• While celebrating good behavior is important, discipline is also important. Parents can employ lots of types of discipline to keep kids in line: time outs, taking away toys, grounding, taking away privileges. These all work in the proper place and time, when used properly. But sometimes, they aren't enough. There are times when children need to be spanked.

6. There's a difference in spanking and beating.

• It is not the primary purpose of spanking to injure or instill fear. Spanking is to make a point, and prevent repeat bad behavior. And yes, it can hurt. If your purpose in spanking is to hurt your child or to render them afraid of you, you've gone off track into beating. Stop.

7. Teach them that begging and whining get you nowhere.

• Whining is annoying. I don't know anyone who doesn't agree with that. So, if your children get what they want every time they start whining, you're only teaching them to whine every time they want something or don't get their way.

• Many children, when told “no” will begin begging for what they want. If you've decided against (or for) something, you have to hold to it. You cannot let your children learn that they will eventually get their way if they just beg long enough to wear you down.

• On a separate, but related, note: If you take your children to stand outside Walmart or some grocery store on weekends (with their “team”), holding cans (or buckets!) and asking passers-by for money, you ought to be ashamed. Why on earth would you ever want to teach your child that they can get whatever they want by smiling and asking strangers for money?! I'm all for fundraisers, but can-shaking is not a fundraiser.

8. Sometimes, plan an event for the specific purpose of making memories together.

• It's important to sometimes plan an event or outing around the kids. I'm not talking about you and all your friends going to do something and bringing the kids along too. I'm talking about you and all your friends taking your kids to do something. Make the kids the focus, and go do something they love to do. If you're not into it, fake it. Your kids will remember as they get older.

9. Sometimes, it's important to have time to do nothing.

• These days, I know of so many kids that have something they have to do every evening: dance lessons, gymnastics, boy scouts, girl scouts, swim lessons, basketball, baseball, softball, cheer leading, football, voice lessons, piano/flute/violin/etc. Lessons, church camp, fund raising, and on and on and on. I feel bad for over-scheduled kids. Kids need time for unstructured play.

10. Help them discover their own interests.

• Not all little boys will like sports. Not all little girls will want to do ballet. Accept this, move on, and help your kids discover their own interests. If your little girl loves sports, encourage and support her. If your little boy loves theater, dance, or cooking, encourage and support him. They will be happier and healthier if you nurture their own interests rather than forcing them to adopt your hobbies.

11. Make them do things they might not want to do.

• Learning/doing new things can be hard. But it's important. When your child is faced with a new challenge, and their scared or nervous, give them the support and encouragement they need to go through with it. Don't let them back down. They'll be stronger people for it.

12. Teach them everything worth having has value. Teach them to take care of things they care about.

• Nearly all material things have a monetary value. Teach your kids about money, and how to save to buy things they might want. Teach them that spending all your money on something quickly and readily available might leave you far more disappointed than waiting for something better that they really want.

• If your child has something they care about, teach them to take care of it. This applies to anything they care about: toys, games, pets, friendships.

13. Nothing in your life is more important than your children.

• You will never have anything in your life so precious as your children. You probably already know that. Make sure they know that you feel that way about them.

14. You should enjoy spending time with your children.

• I often wonder about parents who go out partying every weekend and leave their children with babysitters. Between babysitters and daycare/school, I know of children who spend more time with caretakers than with their own parents. That's crazy to me. While I relish the occasional child-free nights I get when my son goes to spend a night at my mom's house, I always miss him, and am always glad to have him back home with me.

15. Tell them they're beautiful/handsome.

• And mean it. Tell them every day.....even if they get mad about it, even if they act annoyed, and even if they don't believe it about themselves. All children go through points in their lives when they hate themselves and their appearance. They need the constant knowledge that you think they are beautiful/handsome.

16. Tell them you love them. Often.

• Children need love, and they need to know that you love them. Period.

17. Let them be kids. Being well-behaved does not mean they have to act like adults.

• Don't expect your children to act like miniature adults. Don't dress your daughters like tiny women. Don't dress your sons like tiny men. Don't expect your children to go to adult events and act like adults. Even well-behaved children don't deserve to be expected to act like grown-ups.

18. Listen.

• Always let your children know that you will listen to their opinions and hear what they think. But, also, make sure they know that you will always be the one who makes the final decision and that you will always choose what you know is best for them, whether they agree or not.

19. It's your job to be the parent, not the friend.

• Kids need parents. Kids need friends. Kids never need to find these within the same person. You cannot be your child's friend and be the parent they need at the same time. You have to pick one or the other. And for your child's sake, choose to be the parent.

20. If you're doing your job right, your kids will hate you sometimes.

• If you had good parents, then you know the truth of this one. Parents don't always do what their children want. If you're a good parent, your kids will hate you sometimes. However, if you're doing the right thing for them, they'll get over the hate and eventually see that you were right. And, even if they never see it, you'll have the knowledge that you always looked out for what was best for them.

21. You'll never be perfect. Your kids will never be perfect. It's ok to make mistakes.

• This one has been the absolute hardest for me to accept, and I still struggle with it regularly. I want to do everything right for my son, and it's hard to admit to myself that I will make mistakes and I will be wrong sometimes. And as much as I want my son to be the perfect child, I know that it is unfair of me to expect it of him. As a parent, I have to accept his flaws and mine, and strive toward being the best parent I am able to be. It's all that can be expected of any parent, and the goal we should all set for ourselves.