Useful Lessons I learned In Church

For the most part, I don't really give much thought to the time I spent in church as a child.  I can't honestly say that I have more than a handful of good memories from my church-going days, and I'm certain that the many bad memories outweigh the few good ones.  (Although, I fully admit that much of this may be due to the fact that I was an all-around miserable child most of the time back then.)

While the overall church experience didn't leave me with any warm fuzzy feelings, I can say that I did learn some practical life lessons there, and I've decided to share them here tonight.

1.  Church taught me that no group of people, no matter what sort of people make up the group, is free from cliques and rude people.  In fact, I can say with absolute certainty that the meanest, cruelest, most unkind people I ever encountered were people I met in church.  This fact has no age limit and knows no gender bias.

2.  Church taught me that there will always be leaders and followers.  Not all leaders deserve to be followed.  If you are a follower, choose carefully who you will follow, as allowing yourself to be led down the wrong path is still your own fault.

3.  Church taught me that many people never look beyond the outside of an issue.  Because of this, one can often create an illusion to satisfy others with only one quarter the work it would take to create a new reality in the place of the illusion.  People like to believe that everything is as it appears at first glance.

4.  Church taught me, through dozens of youth group fund-raising car washes, that it's easier to wash a wet car than a dry one, so always pre-rinse your car when washing it.  Then wash and rinse from the top down to greatly reduce your work time.

5.  Church taught me that it is a waste of time to debate religion with most average church-goers.  This is because so many average church-goers don't do independent study of their own faith and so are only able to regurgitate the bullet points of last week's sermon.

6.  Church taught me that if you believably act important, most people will believe that you are important.  If you believably act good, people will believe that you are good.  And if you believably act as though you are indispensable or irreplaceable, you will become indispensable or irreplaceable in a short time.

7.  Church taught me that people have no trouble professing blind faith.  Putting this concept into practice, however, is another story entirely.

8.  Church taught me that problems roll downhill, and the low person on the totem poll often becomes the scapegoat.  When things go wrong, people need to believe that it is someone's fault; blame needs to be assigned, or people grow uneasy.

9.  Church taught me that most people are mostly good.  They may not be smart.  They may enjoy their happy delusions.  They may be uninformed, easily impressed, and blindly trusting.  But in spite of all of this, most people are good.  In any group of people, it is a minority of rude or bad or cruel people whose actions get the attention and, therefore, make the whole group look bad.

10.  Most notably, church taught me that I absolutely do not belong in church.  I'm glad that so many of my friends have apparently found happiness in a church, but I know that it is not the right place for me.

=======================================================================