Privilege, Entitlement, & Pushy Parents

Today three intelligent, strong women (myself included) were defeated by one of "those" moms.  We had been resolved to a decision we had all but made final, and this one pushy mom managed to shove her way in and override us all.  You know the type: pushy, stuck up, and used to getting their way.....the kind who believe that everyone they meet is there purely to meet their needs and fulfill their every desire.  They're the types of moms who raise children who think they're better than everyone else.  They're the types of moms who believe that their children, though no virtue of their own, are better than everyone else's kids and deserve to be catered to.  They're the moms who want what they want, expect everyone to give it to them, and don't particularly care what sorts of hardships they create for the people who must cater to their whims.

I absolutely loathe moms (and dads) like this, and while I can paste on a smile and force myself to be civil toward them, they will never never never earn any genuine respect or admiration from me.

Working in a public middle school, it is extraordinarily easy to spot the glaring disparities between the haves, the have-nots, and the have-nothings among our student body.

The haves are usually the children of these pushy, privileged parents who raise their children to be sniveling, pampered, stuck-up brats.  They have name brand clothes, perfect acne-free faces (courtesy of high-priced dermatologists), and they win every form of popularity contest—prom queen, homecoming queen, student body president, etc.  These kids rule the school, lording over their peers with jewelry-clad fists and holding court in the hallways, bathrooms, and cafeteria where they are attended to by those on the outer fringes of their kind....the almost-haves.  The haves may not be the best or the brightest at anything, but their high-priced tutors and delusional parents ensure that their kids receive unwarranted recognition for even the most mundane and average accomplishments.

In stark contrast, the have-nots are afforded none of the niceties and privilege shown to the haves.  Most of these children are raised by hard-working, respectable people who have not won the privilege lottery.  These kids, like their parents, know the value of working for what you want.  They understand that beauty and popularity are not forever, and that genuine hard work does pay off.  These children are not simply handed everything they want, and they are the ones who I respect the most.  These have-nots may be the best and the brightest in any room they enter, but the modesty and humility they've been taught keep them from becoming boastful braggarts or obnoxiously tooting their own horns.  They know their own value, and they are raised to be proud of themselves rather than needing to feed on the praise of others.

Varying in numbers based upon the area are the have-nothings.  These are the kids who, through no fault of their own, are growing up in circumstances that would make even the toughest person want to cry.  Some are homeless; some have no families or are living in loveless families; some live in dark, dangerous neighborhoods, surrounded by illegal and illicit activity.  While a surprising number of these children will manage to rise above their circumstances and go on to be happy and successful adults, a sad number of them will become an unfortunate product of their environments.

Yet, which of these groups becomes to focus of the bulk of the time, efforts, and funding of the schools?  The haves, of course.  For a society with no acknowledged caste system, our society surely does allow gaping chasms to exist between the "levels" of citizens.  The children of the haves benefit from having parents

who can devote the time and effort to bullying their way to the tops of the PTA food chains and secure for their own children every bit of privilege the school systems have to offer their students.  And what of the have-nots and the have-nothings?  What of these students whose parents have to work while the parents of the haves are lobbying for special treatment for their have-kids.  What of the have-nothing children, so many of whom have no one to lobby on their behalf?

As far as we have come as a society in the last 230+ years, we very obviously have a long way to go.  We call ourselves a land of opportunity.  We call ourselves a land of equality.  But we are not.  Even our children know that we are not.  And something has to change.