Hush Little Baby

As I sit down to write this, it is 10:00p.m. on a Friday night.  Kaleb is sound asleep in his new "Big Kid" bed, and has been for about an hour and a half.  Unfortunately, my news feed is currently filled with posts by friends who are struggling to get their kids to go to bed or to sleep.

People often tell me that I am very lucky to have a child who goes to bed without a fight -- and they're right!  I love not having to deal with tears and tantrums to get Kaleb into bed when it's time.  But, while he was an excellent sleeper as a baby, I worked to maintain his good sleep habits as he got older by establishing a routine early on and sticking to it faithfully, with very rare exceptions.

2 days old, 1st night home from hospital

I've discovered that some of my friends are surprised that Kaleb sleeps "so much."  And, by comparing notes with friends and some coworkers, I've learned that Kaleb sleeps more than many of my friends' children.  At Kaleb's last check-up, I asked his pediatrician if that was ok....was Kaleb sleeping too much?  The answer I got?  Nope, Kaleb is sleeping just enough, and many of the other children I know aren't getting nearly enough!

So, in hopes that maybe someone I know can find some information here they can use, I'm publishing here some of the info I got from Kaleb's pediatrician as well as some of the methods I have used myself.

2 weeks old, napping on a pallet

► Sleeping Arrangements:  I know I have friends who bed-share with their children.  That's their choice, and I did it for the first 6 weeks or so of Kaleb's life.  But I can say without a doubt that I'd never get a good night's sleep if Kaleb and I were still co-sleeping.  I also wanted him to grow up accustomed to sleeping in his own bed, in his own room.  That was my choice, and what I wanted for my own child.

For the first few weeks of Kaleb's life, I kept him in my bed to simplify those middle-of-the-night feedings.  But, even then, Kaleb and I were not cuddled up together in bed.  Kaleb had his own section of my bed, with a bed rail on the outside and rolled up towels keeping him limited to his own cozy spot.  It was a nice arrangement which kept me from having to get out of bed several times a night for feedings.  I kept diapers and wipes at the bedside, too, so even our first few weeks still had adequate resting times.

3 weeks old, sleeping through portraits

By the time Kaleb was about 6 weeks old, he was down to wanting only one feeding in the middle of the night.  And he was also becoming wiggly in bed, enough so that he was ending up out of his spot in the bed and rolling into me.  Now, I adore snuggling with my little guy when I'm up and awake during the day.  But I want my space at night, and I absolutely can't get any good sleep with a wiggly baby moving around in my bed all night.  So, Kaleb had to move into his own bed.  The first few nights were a bit of a struggle: it was an unfamiliar place to Kaleb!  But I knew if I was going to be a good caretaker, I was going to have to get restful sleep too.  So, I'd rock Kaleb to sleep each night, then transfer him into his crib gently.  After a few nights, he got the hang of it, and would snuggle down into his bed after eating and some rocking in the chair.

1 month old, napping on Mommy

► Consistency:  It's hard to make the transition to sleeping by yourself if you're used to sleeping with someone else -- and it's no different for babies and children.  I had to learn to walk a thin line between letting Kaleb cry himself to sleep and making visits into his room to calm and soothe him back to sleep.  I found that it took a little of each of these to "train" Kaleb to sleep alone.  But, if independent sleeping is your goal, you have to stick to your guns and be consistent.  If your little one learns that all they have to do is scream / whine / whimper / call your name for a few minutes, and they'll get to climb back into Mommy's bed, then where is the incentive to learn to sleep alone?  If they learn how to get a parent to lay down in their room with them until they fall asleep every night, it will be hard to break them of their dependency on this behavior later.

3½ months, zonked out in the car

► Schedule: This means different things to different people.  I, admittedly, have never had a set-in-stone napping schedule for Kaleb.  Because he likes to sleep, I've always just been able to put him down for a nap when he showed those signs of being tired.  Eventually, his napping formed its own pattern, and evolved on its own as he got older and his sleep needs changed.

Bedtime, however, is something that I have had on a pretty regular schedule for a long time now.  As a child, I always had a bedtime.  My bedtime may have been allowed to flex on holidays, vacations, and other special occasions, but it never got crazy.  My parents were always adamant that I go to bed early enough to get "enough" sleep, and I'm glad now that they were!

8 mos. old, asleep in shopping cart

Kaleb's bedtime routine begins at 8p.m., or as close to that as possible, every night.  Yes, we lose track of time every now and then and get a late start; yes, there are occasional times when we have to be away from home later than Kaleb's bedtime.  But these are rare.  I even sometimes have to turn down invitations to dinner or visiting with friends because I know that it will keep us out later than what is good for Kaleb.  That's how it goes once you become a parent: the needs of your child have to be a priority!  

By 8p.m. each night, Kaleb is showing signs of being tired.  It's pretty obvious when Kaleb's tired, and once the signs begin to show, he tends to go downhill fast.  Keep him up too far beyond that point, and he melts down into a fussy, grumpy, unbearable mess!

15 mos., napping in the crib

► Routine: No, this isn't the same as "schedule."  A bedtime routine is one of the most effective ways to get a child into bedtime mode.  Your routine is the group of actions and behaviors you go through, in a set order, and it can be as unique as your child!  You personalize it, and include things that are meaningful to you and your family.  Your bedtime routine doesn't have to be long or complicated.  Short, simple, and familiar will work just fine.

As a child, my bedtime routine ended in a recitation of "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayers.  My younger brother was serenaded into bed with a peppy rendition of "Good Night, Sweetheart," sung by whomever was helping him ready himself for bed.

17 mos., car napping

Kaleb's bedtime routine, as I mentioned before, begins at 8p.m.  First on the line-up is a bath.  Warm water, soothing scents, and some friendly-faced bath toy animals make for a nice wind-down.  We brush teeth at the end of the bath, then pull out the wet kid and towel him off.  Next come Kaleb's daily allergy prescriptions.  Once we're done in the bathroom, it's time to get dressed in seasonally-appropriate pajamas (after one last visit to the potty, if needed).  Once he's dried and dressed, Kaleb makes his rounds around the house giving hugs and kisses and good-nights to anyone present in the house: Grandpa, Uncle Jacob, the family cat.  When Kaleb was an infant, this was all followed by a bottle.  Once there were no more bedtime bottles, they were replaced by bedtime stories, read from a book of Kaleb's choosing -- he has a pretty sizable library for a kid his age.  After a bedtime story, we quickly list what activities Kaleb can expect the next day (school, staying home, shopping, etc.).  Then I get hugs and kisses from my little guy, and he and his teddy bears snuggle down under their covers for a good night's sleep.

17 mos., sick & asleep in the E.R.

► Sleep Aids:  Nope, we're not talking about pills here!  Lots of kids sleep better with a sleep aid.  If you don't want to be your child's sleep aid, then you need to find a substitute that works for them.

I'll admit it: My child is almost 3 years old, and he still sleeps with a pacifier.  Yep, that's right!  He isn't allowed to have it when he's up and around during the day; he's too old for that.  But when it's time for sleep, for now, I'm not ready to force him to give it up.  He also has a special teddy bear who's been in Kaleb's bed since he was about 5 months old and goes with us anywhere Kaleb will be scared (the dentist), in pain (the doctor or hospital), or expected to sleep (Grammy's house, vacations, long car trips, etc.).  I know no one wants a school-aged kid who won't leave home without a "Binky" (I hate that word!) or a blankie or a raggedy old stuffed animal, but if my pre-schooler wants them in bed at night, I'm not going to deny him.

18 mos., asleep in the bed w/his bear

► Comfortable Surroundings:  Like you, your child will not be able to sleep well if he is too hot or too cold.  Also remember that anything your child gets used to having in their sleeping room is something they will continue to want.  Have you ever tried to share a bed with someone who insisted that they could only sleep with the television on, even though you told them that you could only sleep with it off?  Television can be a hard bedroom habit to break.  Other hard habits to break are night lights, radios or sound machines, open windows, open doors, and musical or light-up toys.  Think about how you would like your child to be sleeping in, say, Kindergarten, and move toward that.  Kaleb has always slept in a dark room (no night light) with light-blocking curtains, windows closed, door closed, and quiet.  So far, the only problem this has created is that he doesn't nap as soundly at daycare because it isn't as dark or as quiet as he prefers.

20 mos., asleep in the car again

Kaleb can, however, nap anywhere when he's tired enough.  He often falls asleep in the car on days when we are our running errands.  He has fallen asleep on a moving boat while on a day-adventure with my mother and her husband.  He once slept in the front "seat" part of a shopping cart while I was grocery shopping.  And this past November he fell asleep outside, on the ground, in the sun, surrounded by strangers and tons of ear-splitting noise at the Blue Angels Homecoming Air Show!

On a side note: while most children will fall asleep in the car when they're tired, it can be a costly habit to allow yourself to take them driving every time you can't get them to sleep!

21 mos., another car nap

► Sleeping in Cycles:  Most people I know are aware that our bodies need REM (rapid eye movement) sleep to be able to consider our sleep to have been "good."  Periods of REM sleep can last from 5 minutes to an hour, and you will have 4 to 5 of these periods in a full night of sleep.  REM sleep is when dreams occur and, while science cannot yet provide a concrete reason why, dreams have been discovered to be vital to our health!

What fewer people know about, I've noticed, are sleep cycles.  Every person sleeps in cycles, each consisting of periods of NREM (non rapid eye movement) sleep and REM sleep.  The length of a sleep cycle may vary slightly from one person to another, however they last an average of 90 minutes (1½ hours).  This explains why an hour-an-a-half nap on the couch can be refreshing, but a 2 or 2½ hour nap might leave you groggy: you awakened in the middle of a sleep cycle.  This also explains why our bodies have an easier time sleeping in 3, 6, 7½, or 9-hour increments.  Try to plan your child's bedtime so that they can fit in the needed number of sleep cycles before it's time to wake up and start the day.  It's also a good idea to plan your day to allow nap times of 1½ or 3 hours for the same reason.

21 mos., snoozing on the couch

If you find that your child is waking earlier than you like in the mornings, it may be that they need to go to bed earlier.  I know it seems counter-intuitive, but it works sometimes!  Since we know that our bodies need to sleep in cycles and that our instinct is to awaken when the sun is up, it may be that your child is finishing a sleep cycle at dawn and so they think it's time to rise and shine!  Try an experiment: for the next week, put your child to bed a half-hour or an hour earlier and see if they sleep later.  It might allow them to be mid-cycle when the sun comes up instead of at the cycle's end, so they may continue to sleep happily.  If it doesn't work, you might just have an early-riser!  Or, you may be trying to get them to sleep until lunch time.  If the latter is the case, it's time to admit you're a parent and give up those teen-years sleep habits!

24 mos., fell asleep playing on couch

► The effects of too little sleep:  The human body needs certain things to survive.  We need oxygen.  We need water and food.  We need sleep.  Deficiencies in sleep have been linked to poor physical health, heart disease, obesity, and diabetes.  Lack of sleep can also cause problems with concentration, attention, and learning abilities.  Driving tired has been compared to -- and found to be as dangerous as -- driving while intoxicated!  Attending work or school while tired is almost guaranteed to result in a marked reduction of productivity.

And lack of sleep is a growing problem.  Study after study have been published discussing the growing trend toward sleep deprivation, and it's not only affecting adults.  Starting in preschool, children are not getting enough sleep.  The problem peaks during the teen years, but generally continues to be a lifelong problem.  Not sleeping enough can be a serious problem!

34 mos., asleep at the Air Show!

► So how much sleep

do you really need?

The answer to this is based upon a variety of factors.  Since your body grows, heals, and repairs itself when you are sleeping, you need more sleep if you are young (growing), ill, or injured.  Very active people also will need more sleep than inactive people...use more energy, need more sleep.  Beyond this, however, there are general guidelines about how much sleep is needed by a person based upon their age.  The chart* below shows how much sleep is recommended for various age groups.

*Information in the chart (and throughout the post) was compiled by the blog author from consistent information from the following organizations: WebMD, KidsHealth.org from Nemours, the National Sleep Foundation, HelpGuide.org, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the Mayo Clinic.

►Conclusion:  Sleep is a vital and necessary part of a happy, healthy life at all ages.  By being firm and consistent with your children, you can help them build good sleep habits that can last a lifetime.  If you or your children have poor sleep habits, it's never too late to start working toward better and healthier sleep practices.  Your bodies and minds will thank you.

Sweet dreams!