Life's Little Cheat Codes

Sometimes I think it would be nice if life had cheat codes, as I'm told many video games do.  Sure, it's fun to experience a challenge and do things the hard way, but sometimes you just need a little help.  I have compiled, in this post, some of life's little secret cheats.  Some of these are my own, and others I have flagrantly plagiarized from other websites.  Enjoy!

Home Cheats

1. De-clutter your wardrobe:

Put your clothes into your closet with all the hangers reversed one time each year. As you pull clothes out and wear and wash them, hang them up and return the hanger to a "normal" position. At the end of the year, give away any clothes still hanging on backwards-facing hangers, since you haven't worn them in an entire year.

2. Get out of the house on time:

Make your playlist exactly as long as you have to get ready. Start out with slow songs, and work your way toward more upbeat and energetic songs as you approach the time to leave. You'll be able to tell how you're doing on time by the currently playing song.

3. Open a banana the right way:

Instead of tearing open a banana at the stem (which can be difficult), just flip the banana open and open it by pinching the dark/flattened end (pinch with the thumb and first finger of each hand, then pull your hands apart). There's a reason monkeys do it this way.

4. Always remember to take important things with you by placing them with your shoes or car keys the night before.

5. Chill any warm beer or soda in minutes. Put the cans in a pot, cover with ice, add 1½ cups of salt, then fill with water. The can will chill to ice cold, on average, in about 3 minutes.

6. Save the punch:

Keep your fruit punch at a party from getting watered down by melting ice by freezing juice in ice trays before putting the punch into the bowl. Use these frozen juice cubes to keep the punch cool in place of regualr ice.

7. Rejuvenate the glass caraffe of your coffee pot or glass tea pitcher without harsh (and expensive) cleaners or chemicals. Over time, deposits build up in these items with regular use. To clean them like new, put 3 Tbsp. of salt and ¼ cup lemon juice (or half a lemon, cut into wedges) into the caraffe. Add 10-12 ice cubes, and swirl. The lemon juice breaks up the deposits, while the ice and salt scrub them away. Once the bottom looks clean again, rince thoroughly and they're ready to use!

School Cheats (that won't get you expelled)

1. If you're having trouble finding sources for your research paper, find one solid source or a well-cited Wikipedia article and use the same materials listed in the bibliography of the source or article as research sources for your own paper.

2. Buy some time! Need more time writing that paper? Make a copy of a jpg, mp3, or other media file and rename it "researchpaper.doc" or any other ".doc" name indicating that it should be your research paper. Then email it to the professor. With this new "wrong" extension, the file shouldn't open, and will appear to the professor to be a corrupted file. That should buy you a day or two to "fix" your computer and send the paper again.....the real one.

Work & Productivity Cheats

1. Get back your lost thumb drive:

Put an "Identification.txt" file in the top level of all your flash drives. Include your name and cell phone number so that, if an honest person finds it, they will be able to contact you to return it to you.

2. Get paid to poop:

If you use the toilet for an average of 10 minutes each work day, your company will end up paying you for more than 40 hours of restroom breaks by the end of the year. That's half as long as most employees get for annual paid vacation time!

3. Keep motivated:

If there's something big you need to get done, tell all your friends or family that you're going to do it. The fear of looking bad/lazy/unaccomplished helps keep you motivated.

Cheats to Get Free Stuff

1. Free phone charger:

Next time you lose your phone charger, don't rush out to buy another one. Instead, go to a busy local hotel. Tell them you think you might have left your charger there in a rush to leave a bad one-night stand (or any other excuse, or no excuse if they seem to busy to care about who/where/when). Phone chargers are the #1 most left-behind item at hotels, so most of them have a big bin filled with every phone charger imaginable.

2. Free hotel porn:

Next time you stay in a hotel that uses a Nokia TV system, enter the following code using the remote control: 2-2-1-Down Arrow, then push down and hold the "ok" button.

3. Free Air:

At most Shell gas stations, press the button on the side of the pump three times in succession to start the pump without inserting any coins.

4. Free hotel cancellation:

If you've got hotel reservations and need to cancel, but you're already within however many days prior to arrival your cancellation policy stated, just reschedule for a future date (since most hotels don't charge a penalty for rescheduling). Later, call back and get a different representative, then cancel free of charge.

5. Free Wi-Fi @ Airports (or other places):

At airports (or other places) that have "for pay" Wi-Fi, simply add "?.jpg" at the end of any URL you want to visit. Often Wi-Fi at airports do not redirect images, allowing this hack to work.

6. Get free reading material:

Google Books now offers tons of books for free online! The service also helps you find the best places to borrow books you want to read (or where to buy them, if you prefer).

Health-Related

1. In public/shared restrooms, prevent "splash-back" by putting a bit of toilet paper in the landing zone before sitting down.

2. Get faster ambulance response time:

When calling 9-1-1, the very first thing you should do is to state your location. Cell phone triangulation is imperfect and sometimes land line info is out of date. The moment an operator has an address or intersection, the police or fire dept. can be dispatched and they can get the other details while help is already in transit to your location.

3. Cure brain freeze:

Pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth cures brain freeze fast. It can also help make the urge to sneeze go away.

4. Sneeze faster:

If you feel a sneeze coming on but it's taking too long, look into a bright light and you'll sneeze.

5. Combat acne:

The best help for acne sufferers is to sleep with a freshly-washed towel over your pillow at night.

6. Avoid sinus congestion:

If you have sinus congestion and steam just isn't doing the trick, try this trick to relieve pressure. Thrust your tongue hard against the roof of your mouth. Release and immediately press hard between your eyebrows. Repeating these two actions rocks your vomer bone back and forth and loosens up the congestions allowing your sinuses to drain.

7. See in the dark:

When you wake up in the middle of the night to do something, cover one eye with your hand and leave it there until you return to darkness. The eye that was covered will have retained its ability to see well in the dark so you're not as likely to run into the dresser on your way back to bed. This advantage is one fo the reasons that pirates with otherwise-good vision wore eye patches, so they could see in the darkness below deck after being above in bright sunlight.

Miscellaneous

1. Extend a remote's range:

If you are opening your car, a gate, or your garage with a remote, and you are a bit out of range, put the remote under your chin pointing upward. Your skull is a close enough approximation to a parabolic reflector to direct some energy forward, giving you extra distance. (This doesn't work with infrared remotes, like television or stereo remotes.)

2. Use your hand as a ruler:

Measure your hand from wrist to fingertips and memorize the length. Use whichever finger comes closest to measuring a whole inch. Now you can judge the size of anything without a ruler.

3. Reboot the credit card machine:

To piss off an annoying customer behind you in line at a checkout, hold down all 4 corner buttons on the credit card machine to reboot it. It will take a while to restart. (Side note: On most credit card readers at Walmarts in Pensacola, Press and hold the red button, green button, and the number "1" at the same time.)

4. Go straight to your floor:

To go directly to your floor on an elevator, even if other floor numbers have been pressed, simply press the desired floor and the 'door close' button simultaneously. Most elevators will take you directly to your floor.

5. Unfreeze a frozen lock with alcohol hand sanitizer, to thaw the lock faster.

6. Test a remote:

If you point a TV/DVD remote at a cellphone camera and press any button on the remote, you can see the infrared light showing up on the camera (if the remote is working). This trick also allows you to see of IR security cameras are on in the dark.

7. Keep your shoes tied:

When tying your shoes, after you've gone around the loop once, go around again! Going around the first loop twice before tucking to create the second loop keeps shoelaces from slipping loose, but allows them to be purposefully untied just as easily as a "normal" tying method.