Useful Lessons I learned In Church

For the most part, I don't really give much thought to the time I spent in church as a child.  I can't honestly say that I have more than a handful of good memories from my church-going days, and I'm certain that the many bad memories outweigh the few good ones.  (Although, I fully admit that much of this may be due to the fact that I was an all-around miserable child most of the time back then.)

While the overall church experience didn't leave me with any warm fuzzy feelings, I can say that I did learn some practical life lessons there, and I've decided to share them here tonight.

1.  Church taught me that no group of people, no matter what sort of people make up the group, is free from cliques and rude people.  In fact, I can say with absolute certainty that the meanest, cruelest, most unkind people I ever encountered were people I met in church.  This fact has no age limit and knows no gender bias.

2.  Church taught me that there will always be leaders and followers.  Not all leaders deserve to be followed.  If you are a follower, choose carefully who you will follow, as allowing yourself to be led down the wrong path is still your own fault.

3.  Church taught me that many people never look beyond the outside of an issue.  Because of this, one can often create an illusion to satisfy others with only one quarter the work it would take to create a new reality in the place of the illusion.  People like to believe that everything is as it appears at first glance.

Just Because.....

Earlier this evening I read a wonderfully unapologetic rant, and I wanted to share it here.  I can say that it mirrors many of my own feelings these days, which is why I wanted to share it.  It was written by someone as fed up as I am with being negatively stereotyped.

[Some of the language contained within is not the sort of stuff I usually post on this blog.  I have semi-censored some of the text, but you'll still be able to tell what the original words were.]

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I'm a woman and I'm fat.

After you stop gasping in horror, grow the f*ck up and deal with it. You don't buy my food, my clothes, nor do you fill my car with gas so piss on your self-righteous indignation. I pay for my own health care so stop trying to blame me for your rising insurance premiums. I'm tired of hearing your false platitudes about how I should lose weight for my health. Stop ASSuming I don't eat healthy food and exercise just because I'm fat. While you're at it, stop ASSuming thin people are always healthy too.

If you don't like the way I look stop whining; do the adult thing and simply look away. Contrary to what you've been told, I don't have an unspoken obligation to please your eyes. And for your information I bathe at least once a day during the Winter, and twice a day during the Summer so stop curling your nose up. The only thing that stinks around here is your putrid attitude. Screwing your face up like that only makes me look even better because baring your teeth in disgust makes you look like a rabid hairless chihuahua.

No, I don't hate skinny b*tches. All true b*tches are worthy of respect. It's superficial skinny c*nts I can't stand, right along side superficial fat f*cks. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I have to listen to you whine about your eating disorder to prove I am not prejudiced against thin people. I have my own eating habits to keep in check without being burdened by someone else's deliberate food fuck ups. I'm fat, not a professional sympathizer for the self-labeled "pretty people" who throw up, starve, snort coke, or do whatever stupid things to stay thin. I'm not anti-thin, I'm anti-enabling people to act stupid without criticism.

Being fat doesn't mean I have to prove my worth by nurturing everyone; including every professional victim and f*ckwit that thinks my precious time should be spent listening to their complaints of the unfairness of the Universe. Just because I'm fat it doesn't mean I drop everything I'm doing right then and there because you feel entitled to consolation on my big fat boobs. My big fat boobs aren't nearly big enough to console all the sh*theads of the world, so space is exclusively reserved for the people who really do deserve my sympathy.

Women Who Want Equality But Won't Live It

To my fellow American women:  If you're going to keep demanding equality, it's time you start living it!

Let's face facts:  It's simply not fair for us, as modern American women, to demand chivalry and equality.  The two are almost entirely contradictory.  You cannot expect a man to think of you as strong when you cry out for help every time you are faced with a task that requires a tiny bit of grit.  You cannot expect a man to think of you as independent if you get visibly offended when he doesn't open the door for you.  You cannot expect a man to respect your employment income when you constantly assume it is his responsibility to pay for everything, on every date, regardless of how long you have been together.

If you want to be treated as equal to a man, then act as if you are equal.  If you play the part of the "weaker sex," you deserve to be treated as a weaker person.

Most often, I think about this when I hear about incidents of domestic violence.  I am not talking about those sad occasions when one person in a relationship is abusive toward the other, unprovoked.  That's wrong, regardless of who is the abuser.  Rather, I'm talking about those times when a woman hits, punches, or abuses her male partner and then has him arrested for assault & battery when he fights back.  Really?  How is that at all fair?

Ladies, it is no longer acceptable—really, never has been, in my opinion—for you to think that you can be physically violent toward a man and then expect to hide behind your femininity as protection from retaliation.  If you are tough enough to hit a man, then you better make sure you are also tough enough to take the hit-back.

In the end, I think that most of the focus of "Womens' Liberation" has been focused in the wrong direction.  We have come a long way toward equality, and we should continue to press onward toward full equality with men.  Along the way, however, I think we ought to be kind enough to liberate men from the unfair double standards of an outdated system of chivalry and "kept" women.

The Wisdom of the Heart

Throughout my teen years and on into my early adulthood, I was on an on-again/off-again search for something that would show itself to be spiritual truth.  Every step I took in researching various religions of the world too me farther and farther from the narcissistic, dictatorial, puppet master God of the Bible and closer to the ancient spiritualities of Europe and Asia.

While my studies of Buddhism were merely a stop-off on my journey, I find that many of the teachings of Buddhist leaders still hold, for me, some very perfect bits of wisdom.  Among my more favorite selections of Buddhist teachings is "The Wisdom of the Heart," by His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama.

"The Wisdom

of the Heart"
 from the

14th Dalai Lama*

Nobel Peace Prize Laureate (1989)

1.  Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

2.  Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

3.  Sleep is the best meditation.

4.  Spend some time alone every day.

5.  We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.

6.  Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

7.  We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.

8.  Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.

9.  If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.

10.  The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis.

*The 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, is the spiritual and exiled leader of the Tibetan people. Born in northeastern Tibet, he was recognized at the age of 2 as the reincarnation of the 13th Dalai Lama. After the suppression of the Tibetan national uprising in 1959, His Holiness escaped to India where he was given political asylum. Dalai Lama is a Mongolian title, which means "Ocean of Wisdom". "Dalai" means "ocean" in Mongolian, and "Lama" (bla ma) is the Tibetan equivalent of the Sanskrit word "guru", and is commonly translated to mean "spiritual teacher".

Accepting Un-Pretty

I spent most of my childhood being teased mercilessly by my peers, both at school and at church.  I have always been the fat, freckle-faced, redheaded, unpopular kid.  I didn't play sports.  I didn't have any particularly enviable talents  I didn't come from a "rich" family.  I rarely ever had more than one or two "friends" at any given time.  It didn't take me long to understand that I have never fit into the mold of what common society considers to be physically beautiful.  I probably understood this fact by the time I had finished elementary school—although acceptance of this fact would come much, much later.

As I grew into adulthood, I learned that it didn't really matter that I'm not beautiful.  I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm passionate, and I'm a hard worker.  I have learned that I don't need a hundred "best" friends, and I'm honestly much happier with a smaller, closer circle of genuine friends.  I have learned that who I am is good enough, and that I'm worthy of love and friendship and respect.  I've learned that I don't need to be beautiful, and I've come to realize that I'm not sure I'd even want the pressure that would come attached to maintaining a beautiful me.

Working around middle schoolers, these past several years, has given me the opportunity to develop an entirely different perspective on being "un-pretty" by watching it unfold through the eyes of my students.  While it's not something I point out to them, I have students who do not fit into the "beautiful" category.  Some of them may never fit into that category, and there's really nothing that they can do about it.  While the "un-pretty" seems to afflict both male and female students, it is the girls I worry about the most.

The problem I see is this:

When a girl goes crying to her friends, parents, or teachers, telling them that she has been harassed or bullied by someone who said she was "ugly" or "fat" or some other such derogatory term, it is almost always handled wrongly.  The first reaction or these friends and parents and teachers is to comfort the girl—and rightly so—and then to say something like "Just ignore them.  You're beautiful no matter what they say."

Remembering Bob

At some point, some person will become a part of your life for a short time, but will leave a very lasting impression on your heart.  This is an experience that most everyone will have, and it can be a unique experience, to be so affected by someone you've barely gotten to know.

This is the story of the brief time that Bob* was a part of my life.

From October 2006 to October 2007, I worked in the administration and monitoring positions at a residential facility here in Pensacola where newly-released inmates were court ordered to attend drug and alcohol abuse treatment.  Up to 60 of these clients at a time lived in our facility, taking part in individual and group counseling and working to get back into the job force.  Each week, some clients would rotate out and others would rotate in.  Though I spent 50+ hours a week working among them, I never truly got to know the majority of the clients as there was a need to maintain a clear separation between profession and personal life.

But, try as I might, I did still get to know occasional clients very well—nothing remotely inappropriate, but some of these people.....you just couldn't help but like them.  Yes, I knew many of the more troubling and disturbing details of their individual pasts, but I also knew that many of these people were struggling with addictions that had taken away their self-control along with their self-respect.  The majority of the clients were good people who had made very bad choices and ended up in very bad situations.  Then they had landed in our facility.

A Bit of Truth

Hello, neglected readers.  I realize it has been far too long since I have been here faithfully, and I am preparing for a proper return to regular writing.  However, just for today, I have found this little picture item while browsing a series of websites, and I wanted to share it with you all.  I "found" (translation: stole) this image on another blog called Analyfe, and I do not know if it was original to that blog or if that blog's author also "found" the image as I did.

It's the type of thing you come across online, and the moment you see it, you instantly realize that it holds a definite truth.  See for yourself, and let me know what you think.

I'll be back with more new things for you to read very soon.  ♥

That's the Thing About Having Friends...

I've never been the kind of person who had—or wanted—bunches and bunches of friends.  I've always preferred to keep one or two close friends and simply maintain others at the level of friendly acquaintances.  I know this might not be typical for a woman, but there's a reason behind it.

You see, there's this thing about having friends: you have to open yourself up emotionally.

It doesn't sound like anything big or scary, but opening up emotionally leaves you open to being hurt or disappointed or mislead (intentionally or not) or embarrassed.  And none of those are things anyone likes, really.

Throughout my life, nearly every time I have opened up to a new friendship, at least of of those things has happened to me, and I can tell you that it is never any fun.  And each time it happens, I have to take a break and decide if that friendship is worth saving or if it's better to just let go.  Most times, I end up deciding that the value of the relationship doesn't outweigh the emotional toll it takes on me.  On rare occasions, I step back for a while, swallow my opinions (I know, hard for you to imagine), and push on through with a business-as-usual friendship.

Some of you may have noticed that I've been on a bit of "internet silence" the last few weeks.  Partly, this has been because work is pretty hectic this close to the end of the school year.  But mostly, I've been nursing a spot of hurt pride/embarrassment caused by a couple of friends.  I went out on a limb for someone, and it ended up biting me in the ass.  That old familiar sting came back, reminiscent of so many hurts and wrongs in the past, and I needed some time to myself to reevaluate.

I've had plenty of time to think now, and I'm back in the public arena of the internet again.  I haven't made any definite decisions about the status of this freshly-wounded friendship.  And, though I won't name the other party or even hint to their identity, the ball is now squarely in his or her court.

Friendship.  It's tough.  But for the opportunity to find those rare, true friends, it's totally worth it.

Weeds

I'm not a person who expects to be surrounded by perfection all the time.  I mean, perfection is nice, but it's just not realistic to expect it all the time.  The yard at our house is a perfect example of this: the weeds that pop up in the yard don't bother me a bit.  But the last few days, as I would come and go from the house, I noticed that a rather large green weed was pushing it's way up through a crack in the sidewalk right beside my rose vine.  It bothered me, but I never noticed it at a time when I actually had time to stop and do anything about it.

And it's not at all uncommon for life to occur in very much the same way.

Regular readers of my blog may have noticed that there have been no new posts here since April 15.  For someone who had blogged every day of the year up until that point, a 17-day gap is sort of a big deal.  But my life, like the crack in my sidewalk, has been sprouting troublesome weeds of its own lately.

The weeds started when my most immediate boss at work arranged to take a leave of absence for personal reasons and then "resigned" instead without any warning or good-byes to those of us who worked for her, and with a barely-plausible story to the bigger bosses.  As a result of her departure, the teacher I work with for the majority of the day was given a temporary promotion to fill her vacated spot for the rest of the school year.  A teacher leaving the classroom meant that I got to go on a wild ride of substitute teachers in and out until we have finally found one who can stick around for the rest of the year.....I hope.  Shortly after, we got to live through the 2 weeks each year that are blocked out and rearranged for students across the state to take the FCAT standardized tests.  Additionally, we've gotten several new students into my classes these last few weeks, many of them bringing new and somewhat unpleasant challenges that I get to learn to cope with.  The former boss was also in charge of our school's Beta Club, and that has now become my responsibility as well.

A Beautiful Dream

For the past couple of weeks, I've been having the same recurring dream every night.  It has even popped up the couple of times I've gotten the chance at a daytime nap.  I've never really been someone who spent much time analyzing my dreams, preferring instead to enjoy them in whatever manner they present themselves.  On the few occasions I've had recurring dreams in the past, they would come once or twice and then retreat into memories.  Most of them I cannot even remember now.  This time, however, the dream is visiting me night after night, and I awaken with it fresh in my mind every morning.

Nearly 3 weeks into this repetitive dream cycle now, the dream remains so much in the forefront of my mind that I relive it even in my waking dreams (daydreams) in snippets throughout the day.

Although I typically don't read deep meanings into my dreams, I do believe that they are one of the tools our minds use to heal themselves.  In your dreaming world, you can do things that you can not—or would not—do in your real life.  You can have new experiences, attempt difficult tasks, and get closure for past relationships.

In my dream, I'm in a hospital waiting room.  I do not know why I'm there, or if I'm a patient or visitor.  So far, that seems to be irrelevant in my dream.  I'm usually sad, but not overwhelmingly.  As I sit in this room, people keep coming to meet up with me, to sit with me for a while.  So far, each of these people has been someone from my past with whom I do not still have a positive relationship (or, in some cases, any relationship at all).  In each case, the visitor and I talk about our happy memories and our past hurts.  Each of these conversations ends with us in tears, ready to let go of the pain of the past and part on good terms.

Privilege, Entitlement, & Pushy Parents

Today three intelligent, strong women (myself included) were defeated by one of "those" moms.  We had been resolved to a decision we had all but made final, and this one pushy mom managed to shove her way in and override us all.  You know the type: pushy, stuck up, and used to getting their way.....the kind who believe that everyone they meet is there purely to meet their needs and fulfill their every desire.  They're the types of moms who raise children who think they're better than everyone else.  They're the types of moms who believe that their children, though no virtue of their own, are better than everyone else's kids and deserve to be catered to.  They're the moms who want what they want, expect everyone to give it to them, and don't particularly care what sorts of hardships they create for the people who must cater to their whims.

I absolutely loathe moms (and dads) like this, and while I can paste on a smile and force myself to be civil toward them, they will never never never earn any genuine respect or admiration from me.

Working in a public middle school, it is extraordinarily easy to spot the glaring disparities between the haves, the have-nots, and the have-nothings among our student body.

The haves are usually the children of these pushy, privileged parents who raise their children to be sniveling, pampered, stuck-up brats.  They have name brand clothes, perfect acne-free faces (courtesy of high-priced dermatologists), and they win every form of popularity contest—prom queen, homecoming queen, student body president, etc.  These kids rule the school, lording over their peers with jewelry-clad fists and holding court in the hallways, bathrooms, and cafeteria where they are attended to by those on the outer fringes of their kind....the almost-haves.  The haves may not be the best or the brightest at anything, but their high-priced tutors and delusional parents ensure that their kids receive unwarranted recognition for even the most mundane and average accomplishments.

A Servant's Heart....?

I've been hearing—more accurately, reading—more and more people lately labeling themselves as having a "servant's heart," and it got me thinking about what that really means.  In the days before internet, such a curiosity could have meant days of research in a library.  Now, however, Google and I can team up to find answers to many of my queries in only minutes....or at least to find some validations for thoughts I might already be having.

Two nights ago, I stumbled across a post that echoed many of the things I had been feeling but had not yet been able to verbalize.  Because I could think of no words better to sum up my thoughts than those already written by the author of that blog, I decided to ask that author for permission to republish her post for my own readers.

So, posted below is the July 30, 2009 post written by Laurinda Bellinger [about] over at Laurinda on Leadership.  Text in yellow is where I have injected some thoughts of my own.  Those thoughts do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of the original post's author, Laurinda Bellinger.

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Do you have a Servant's Heart or a Slave's Mentality?

July 30, 2009

In Corporate America servant leadership has become popular form of leadership. I believe it's only true leadership form. I see people struggle with the term servant, especially those of us in the black community. Servant and slave are terms that don't sit well with us. Although we will sit in church on Sundays and hear how we are to servants and slaves of Christ. Many of us will serve in church, but it stops there. One reason is because having a servant's mentality, which I equate to a slave's mentality, is different than having a servant's heart.

My Boys

It's not at all unusual for me to see a few raised eyebrows when I make reference to "my sons" or "my boys."  Most people know that I'm a single mom with a little boy, but those plural nouns often throw people for a loop.  However, even when I was pregnant with Kaleb, I already had one fuzzy child—my big orange cat, Morris.

In 2002, I was married and living in PPV military housing in a little town in Northern San Diego County called Ramona, California.  One day while I was home alone, there was an unexpected knock at the door.  I opened the door, and there stood a sleep-deprived Navy wife with a Radio Flyer wagon containing a basket of mewling orange furballs and several dozen cans of kitten formula.  She told me that her cat had had these kittens and had taken off and not returned.  She had been trying to take care of all 6 kittens herself, but was finding it impossible to keep up with them and her own children.  She was looking for families to adopt the kittens.  I had always wanted an orange cat—it seemed a redheaded woman should have one—so I agreed to take one.  We already had 3 cats, and I knew my then-husband would be none too happy when he came home....but he was rarely very happy anyway.

Simplify

Sometimes, we all have those days where everything is ridiculously complicated.  Wednesday, my life was one of those days.  So, rather than compose a long, ironically-complicated post on simplicity, I'll leave you with this simple thought:

As you simplify your life,

the laws of the universe will be simpler;

solitude will not be solitude,

poverty will not be poverty,

nor weakness weakness.

~Henry David Thoreau

Fad Activism

A few days ago, a friend posted an observation online about the sudden disappearance of all the "Kony" videos and other posts.  They have vanished from common conversation as quickly as they appeared.  The Kony hysteria was a wave that passed over us all, then dissipated without effect.

So, that must mean that this Kony guy has been stopped from continuing to commit further atrocities, right?  Well, no.  It just means that the media hype and activism fad have ended.

In our world these days, billions of people around the modernized world are interconnected through social environments on the internet.  Facebook, of course, is now the largest of these, but they are certainly not the only game in town.  A quick glance at the data listen on this Wikipedia page will give you an idea of just how much a part of our lives these online social environments have become.

In many ways, these digital connections have helped to bring about improved quality of life.  Families and friends who are separated by geography have a simple way to stay in contact.  Scientists and medical professionals can quickly and easily share data with one another across the globe.  People who, because of handicap or illness, have a hard time getting out of the house have a way to connect to the outside world from within the safe confines of their own homes.  Students at all levels of education can access information that they might not otherwise be able to access, and some of them are even taught remotely by teachers who are hundreds or thousands of miles away, interacting through a digital campus.  News travels quickly these days, both the good and the bad, and emergency aid can be dispatched with life-saving speed when a disaster occurs somewhere in the world.

Unfortunately, living our lives at the speed of digital means that we misperceive the seriousness of some situations.  People also misunderstand what is needed to help some situations.  It is very common for people to share videos and news articles among their online social circles, and many of these videos and articles focus on issues that are controversial or need to experience change.  So we read these articles and watch the videos posted by our friends, family, and colleagues.  We get fired up about the issues represented in each, and we decide we want to "do" something to help.  So we repost the link to the video or article, thus sharing it with everyone in our own online social circles.

And all of that is wonderful, except....

Why I'm Not A Christian

Several weeks ago, I wrote and published on this blog a post entitled "A Darn Good Christian," wherein I mentioned that a co-worker had told me I'd make a "darn good" Christian....if I only believed in God.  I went on to explain that I didn't need the Bible or church or any other religious trappings to see a need in the world and try to do my part to fill that need for the benefit of my fellow earth-dwelling creatures.  Christians do not have a monopoly on good works.  Within that post, I did not get into the reasons behind my non-belief, stating that they were fodder for another post.  This is that post.

Before I get into my specific reasons, there are a few things I feel I must state first if I have any hope of my words being understood in the manner intended.

1. I probably know more Christians than non-Christians.  Most of these people are my friends and are good people, and I respect their choice to believe as they wish, not because I think they are right, but because they are my friends and I care about them.  Those who are my friends and already know about my lack of Christian faith may not agree with the choices I make in this regard, but they all acknowledge my rights to believe as I choose, and they care about me regardless of our differing opinions.
2. I do not believe that Christianity itself is bad.  You'll understand more of what I mean by this as you read through the post.
3. As with all my blog posts, the comment section is open for your feedback.  However, remember to be civil with your comments.  Hate-filled comments will be deleted.  Strongly emotional comments, those aimed at "converting" me, or those filled with scripture are probably not comments to which I will post reply....unless you actually come up with a compelling argument.  One more thing: If you feel the need to post harsh criticism, at least have the courage to attach your name to it....I've grown weary of people hiding behind the "anonymous" label when spewing negativity.

With that out of the way, I'll put forth the primary 9 among the many reasons that Christianity has found no place in my life.

P52, Somewhat: Week 12, "Spring"

Do you ever get the feeling that the inanimate or non-sentient things around you are aware of what's going on in your life, and that they're working either for or against you?  Sure, we may know it's not true,  we as people sometimes can't help but imagine and project human qualities onto nonhuman things.

We get mad at the car when it won't start.  We beg the traffic signals to hurry up when we're running late.  We thank the cool breezes when we're outside on a hot day.  And though we know that none of these actions actually have an effect, many of us continue to do them.  And, as evidenced by the picture to the right—which I snagged from the  Facebook profile of my friend, Sarah C.—some of us even make a preemptive habit of being genuinely polite to some of the objects in our lives.

Personally, I have frequently felt like everything was going right for me lately.  Don't get me wrong, there have been some trying times too, but when things are good, lately, they're very very good.

This week's P52 post topic is "Spring," and Spring is a season which has arrived even earlier than usual in my part of the world.  All over the place, record high temperatures are being recorded.  Kaleb's back into wearing shorts to school nearly every day, and I'm digging the capri pants back out.

I [Don't] Enjoy Being A [Stereotyped] Girl.

I don't know about any of you, but I grew up watching movies that were musical classics: Singin' in the Rain, Shall We Dance, Holiday Inn, The Sound of Music, White Christmas, The King & I, and Flower Drum Song among them.  While I loved the musicality and exuberance of these movies—and still do—I have, as an adult, begun to see things in these movies that I never noticed as a kid.  Primary among these more recent observations is that these movies, to great extent, seemed to celebrate "girly" women, women who loved dresses and lace and being taken-care-of housewives.

And this one simple observation has caused my first feeling of complete disconnect from these movies.

Of these movies, Flower Drum Song is the most obvious in it's display of these traditional gender roles, highlighting them in all their somewhat-outdated detail in the musical scene shown below.

I got to reading the words to that song a few days ago, and have been unable to stop comparing my real life to the realistically fictional life detailed in the song's lyrics.  As a formerly-married single woman, a single mom, and a woman with a full time job, my life seems to stand in near-complete contrast to these lyrics.  Below, I have listed the song's lyrics and contrasted them line by line.  Enjoy!

A Darn Good Christian

A co-worker friend of mine said to me today, "You know, you'd make a darn good Christian....Well, you know, if you believed in God and stuff."  I must have had one pretty quizzical look on my face, because he then looked at me and added, "I meant that to be a compliment, just so you know, 'cuz you're always doing nice things for people and stuff."

At first, I thought this entire concept was somewhat silly, since if I remember correctly, belief in the Biblical God is the primary defining quality of a Christian.  And, while the reasons for my non-Christianity are a topic for another post coming in the near future**, I can say for now that I do not identify myself as a Christian—and never have.

What a crazy thing it seems to me that because I make an effort to affect change in the world—on whatever scale I am able—people will assume I must be a Christian.  I know I live in the Southern dip of the Bible Belt, but have people really begun to believe that Christians have a monopoly on doing good?

If this were the first time this has happened to me, I might assume it was just a random occurrence and dismiss it entirely.  But this has happened to me for years now!  When I've done volunteer work, people always ask me what church I'm affiliated with.  When I reply that I'm intentionally not affiliated with any church, they look at me as if that thought is incomprehensible.

Really?!?!

So, let me just set the record straight, in case there are any questions.  I don't need a Bible to tell me that helping people in need, even if I can only do a little, is the right thing to do.  I don't need to be a church member or be church-sponsored to see a need and do what I can to fill that need.

So, to those of you who keep asking, let me put forth the suggestion that your time might be better spent helping the less fortunate rather than concerning yourselves with my chosen beliefs.


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**Update 3-20-2012: You can now read more at my latest post, "Why I'm Not A Christian."

I Can't Do This!

When faced with a difficult task, it can sometimes be so much easier to just say, "I can't do this," and let someone else do it for us.

I notice Kaleb does this all the time.  Just tonight, he had trouble reaching the light switch in the bathroom and said, "Mommy, I can't reach it."  A short while later he was trying to open the plastic case that contains his play set of doctor's tools.  When the case's latches got stuck, he said, "Mommy, I can't open this!"  The difficulty he encountered trying to put a book back onto his slightly-overcrowded book shelf caused him to exclaim,"Mommy, this book don't fit on here!" Finally, as Kaleb's bedtime drew near, I told him to go take off his clothes in preparation for bath time.  He was wearing new pants today, and the buttonhole is still a little tight.  He called out to me, "Mommy, I can't unbutton my pants!"

And in our house, this is a very typical evening.  Whenever Kaleb runs into trouble trying to do something on his own, his first reaction is to call in Mommy for help, to do it for him.

As children, we learn to depend on the grown-ups in our lives to take care of us and provide for us.  That trust and reliance is an important aspect of the parent/child relationship.  While we grow up, those grown-ups begin to teach us the skills necessary to grow up to be self-reliant.  And then the cycle begins again once we are adults, and begin to pass along these skills of self-reliance to the children in our lives.  This cycle has been repeating for millenia throughout the animal kingdom, and is not unique to we human creatures.  What is more unique to humans (and some other primates), however, is this desire to proclaim we "can't" and have someone else handle things for us.

So, did I turn on the bathroom light for Kaleb tonight?  Or open the case of toys?  Or put his book back onto the shelf?  Or unbutton his pants?