Useful Lessons I learned In Church

For the most part, I don't really give much thought to the time I spent in church as a child.  I can't honestly say that I have more than a handful of good memories from my church-going days, and I'm certain that the many bad memories outweigh the few good ones.  (Although, I fully admit that much of this may be due to the fact that I was an all-around miserable child most of the time back then.)

While the overall church experience didn't leave me with any warm fuzzy feelings, I can say that I did learn some practical life lessons there, and I've decided to share them here tonight.

1.  Church taught me that no group of people, no matter what sort of people make up the group, is free from cliques and rude people.  In fact, I can say with absolute certainty that the meanest, cruelest, most unkind people I ever encountered were people I met in church.  This fact has no age limit and knows no gender bias.

2.  Church taught me that there will always be leaders and followers.  Not all leaders deserve to be followed.  If you are a follower, choose carefully who you will follow, as allowing yourself to be led down the wrong path is still your own fault.

3.  Church taught me that many people never look beyond the outside of an issue.  Because of this, one can often create an illusion to satisfy others with only one quarter the work it would take to create a new reality in the place of the illusion.  People like to believe that everything is as it appears at first glance.

Bumper Stickers 2012

People who know me know that I have long been a fan of bumper stickers.  I last blogged about my bumper stickers back in September of 2010 in this post.  Back then, I was still driving my Nissan Sentra.  Sadly, courtesy of a lady (not myself) who decided to run a red light, that poor little Sentra ended up like this just 6 weeks later:

These days, I'm driving an '02 Chrysler Voyager, and it has a whole new collection of it's own stickers that get a great deal of attention.  When stickers get old, they are rotated out for new ones.  A few of the current stickers are almost ready to be replaced, so I thought I'd document the current collection before making any changes.  And I decided to show them off to my readers!  Take a look!

The Wisdom of the Heart

Throughout my teen years and on into my early adulthood, I was on an on-again/off-again search for something that would show itself to be spiritual truth.  Every step I took in researching various religions of the world too me farther and farther from the narcissistic, dictatorial, puppet master God of the Bible and closer to the ancient spiritualities of Europe and Asia.

While my studies of Buddhism were merely a stop-off on my journey, I find that many of the teachings of Buddhist leaders still hold, for me, some very perfect bits of wisdom.  Among my more favorite selections of Buddhist teachings is "The Wisdom of the Heart," by His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama.

"The Wisdom

of the Heart"
 from the

14th Dalai Lama*

Nobel Peace Prize Laureate (1989)

1.  Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

2.  Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

3.  Sleep is the best meditation.

4.  Spend some time alone every day.

5.  We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.

6.  Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

7.  We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.

8.  Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.

9.  If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.

10.  The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis.

*The 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, is the spiritual and exiled leader of the Tibetan people. Born in northeastern Tibet, he was recognized at the age of 2 as the reincarnation of the 13th Dalai Lama. After the suppression of the Tibetan national uprising in 1959, His Holiness escaped to India where he was given political asylum. Dalai Lama is a Mongolian title, which means "Ocean of Wisdom". "Dalai" means "ocean" in Mongolian, and "Lama" (bla ma) is the Tibetan equivalent of the Sanskrit word "guru", and is commonly translated to mean "spiritual teacher".

A Servant's Heart....?

I've been hearing—more accurately, reading—more and more people lately labeling themselves as having a "servant's heart," and it got me thinking about what that really means.  In the days before internet, such a curiosity could have meant days of research in a library.  Now, however, Google and I can team up to find answers to many of my queries in only minutes....or at least to find some validations for thoughts I might already be having.

Two nights ago, I stumbled across a post that echoed many of the things I had been feeling but had not yet been able to verbalize.  Because I could think of no words better to sum up my thoughts than those already written by the author of that blog, I decided to ask that author for permission to republish her post for my own readers.

So, posted below is the July 30, 2009 post written by Laurinda Bellinger [about] over at Laurinda on Leadership.  Text in yellow is where I have injected some thoughts of my own.  Those thoughts do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of the original post's author, Laurinda Bellinger.

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Do you have a Servant's Heart or a Slave's Mentality?

July 30, 2009

In Corporate America servant leadership has become popular form of leadership. I believe it's only true leadership form. I see people struggle with the term servant, especially those of us in the black community. Servant and slave are terms that don't sit well with us. Although we will sit in church on Sundays and hear how we are to servants and slaves of Christ. Many of us will serve in church, but it stops there. One reason is because having a servant's mentality, which I equate to a slave's mentality, is different than having a servant's heart.

Why I'm Not A Christian

Several weeks ago, I wrote and published on this blog a post entitled "A Darn Good Christian," wherein I mentioned that a co-worker had told me I'd make a "darn good" Christian....if I only believed in God.  I went on to explain that I didn't need the Bible or church or any other religious trappings to see a need in the world and try to do my part to fill that need for the benefit of my fellow earth-dwelling creatures.  Christians do not have a monopoly on good works.  Within that post, I did not get into the reasons behind my non-belief, stating that they were fodder for another post.  This is that post.

Before I get into my specific reasons, there are a few things I feel I must state first if I have any hope of my words being understood in the manner intended.

1. I probably know more Christians than non-Christians.  Most of these people are my friends and are good people, and I respect their choice to believe as they wish, not because I think they are right, but because they are my friends and I care about them.  Those who are my friends and already know about my lack of Christian faith may not agree with the choices I make in this regard, but they all acknowledge my rights to believe as I choose, and they care about me regardless of our differing opinions.
2. I do not believe that Christianity itself is bad.  You'll understand more of what I mean by this as you read through the post.
3. As with all my blog posts, the comment section is open for your feedback.  However, remember to be civil with your comments.  Hate-filled comments will be deleted.  Strongly emotional comments, those aimed at "converting" me, or those filled with scripture are probably not comments to which I will post reply....unless you actually come up with a compelling argument.  One more thing: If you feel the need to post harsh criticism, at least have the courage to attach your name to it....I've grown weary of people hiding behind the "anonymous" label when spewing negativity.

With that out of the way, I'll put forth the primary 9 among the many reasons that Christianity has found no place in my life.

A Darn Good Christian

A co-worker friend of mine said to me today, "You know, you'd make a darn good Christian....Well, you know, if you believed in God and stuff."  I must have had one pretty quizzical look on my face, because he then looked at me and added, "I meant that to be a compliment, just so you know, 'cuz you're always doing nice things for people and stuff."

At first, I thought this entire concept was somewhat silly, since if I remember correctly, belief in the Biblical God is the primary defining quality of a Christian.  And, while the reasons for my non-Christianity are a topic for another post coming in the near future**, I can say for now that I do not identify myself as a Christian—and never have.

What a crazy thing it seems to me that because I make an effort to affect change in the world—on whatever scale I am able—people will assume I must be a Christian.  I know I live in the Southern dip of the Bible Belt, but have people really begun to believe that Christians have a monopoly on doing good?

If this were the first time this has happened to me, I might assume it was just a random occurrence and dismiss it entirely.  But this has happened to me for years now!  When I've done volunteer work, people always ask me what church I'm affiliated with.  When I reply that I'm intentionally not affiliated with any church, they look at me as if that thought is incomprehensible.

Really?!?!

So, let me just set the record straight, in case there are any questions.  I don't need a Bible to tell me that helping people in need, even if I can only do a little, is the right thing to do.  I don't need to be a church member or be church-sponsored to see a need and do what I can to fill that need.

So, to those of you who keep asking, let me put forth the suggestion that your time might be better spent helping the less fortunate rather than concerning yourselves with my chosen beliefs.


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**Update 3-20-2012: You can now read more at my latest post, "Why I'm Not A Christian."

Major & Minor World Religions: Correcting Some Common Misconceptions

I assume that anyone who knows me much at all (or who has read the bumper stickers on my car) already knows that I long ago walked away from the Christian faith I was raised with, and have since "tried on" a variety of other religious belief-sets.  During my travels through the world of religions, I encountered any number of misconceptions people have about "other" relgions, and many of them are things I continue to hear on at least a semi-regular basis.  I'm sure that the majority of people do not openly disparage other faiths intending to be mean, but rather because they have been so routinely misinformed.  So, hoping to correct some fallacies, I've listed here a collection of the mistaken beliefs I've heard most frequently.

► Members of alternative religious groups haven't studied the Bible or heard about Jesus.

The implication of this myth is that if these people really knew about Christianity, they would become Christians. It is the fundamental basis for most of the missionary work - and crusades - in Christian history. It is not, however, the case for the vast majority of those worshiping in smaller religions today. Practically all of these members have a background in Christianity and chose to leave it for their current path. They are as well-versed in the Christian faith as most Christians.

► Those smaller groups aren't 'real' religions.

The American Heritage dictionary defines a religion as "A set of beliefs, values, and practices based on the teachings of a spiritual leader". This definition does not specifically mention which leader - or which teachings - these beliefs must be based upon. Therefore, any group, no matter how small their numbers or how unusual their beliefs, which bases their practices in spirituality is a religion.

A Quick Q&A—Marriage Equality

Q: So, Sarah, you support gay marriage?

A: I support marriage.  While I certainly don't want to do it again myself, lots of people do, and I know of no reason (aside from religious ones) why they shouldn't be allowed to marry.

In short, I think ANY adult should be allowed to legally marry ANY other single (1) consenting adult.  Period.

The sad thing is that anyone needs to have a political opinion concerning who can marry whom!

If anyone can give me a rational reason why this should not be allowed,a reason that is not religion- or faith-based, I'm happy to listen (this does not mean I'm going to change my mind).  Otherwise, mind your own business and keep your noses out of other people's love lives.

The Origins of "XMas!"

Over the last few weeks, as with every year, my Facebook news feed has become flooded with the angry postings of my devoted and well-intentioned -- albeit misinformed -- Christian friends railing against the atrocities of substituting the word "XMas" for their perceived-to-be-holier term "Christmas."  I generally shake my head, since I know more about the origins of the word XMas than my Christian friends apparently do.  But, since I believe that knowledge is the key to solving many problems, I've decided to tackle the issue in a blog this year in hopes that my news feed will be more XMas-friendly next year.

I'll be quoting excerpts from several other sites, but will include links back to the original articles for those wishing to read them in their entirety.

First, quotes from this article on the Christian Resource Institute's website The Voice:

Stingy Jack of the Lantern

Last year, as Halloween approached, I wrote a blog post entitled "Halloween: Are You Being Tricked?"  It discussed many of the various beginnings of Halloween traditions and their roots in pagan holiday festivals.  It occurred to me today, as I am sitting here thinking what sort of face to carve into this pumpkin I bought for Kaleb, that last year's post did not include the Jack-O-Lantern tradition.  So, here it is!

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When we think of Jack-o-Lanterns today we think of the carved pumpkins with candles lighting them brightly from within; but did you know that the Jack-o-Lantern actually has deep historical roots and originally didn't even involve a pumpkin? The Jack-o-Lantern stems from an old Irish myth about a man named Stingy Jack.

[Guest Blogger] Living the "Golden Rule"

Some of the people who read my blog with any regularity may be slightly surprised to find me posting a guest blog containing Biblical scripture.  However, while I do not affiliate myself with any Christian faith, I am not wholly against many of the principles set forth by New Testament texts.  I find no fault with a faith based upon love and respect for all of mankind, and this is the type of life many of my Christian friends try to live.

When I invite a friend to guest-post on my blog, it is often because that friend has something to say that speaks from a viewpoint other than my own.  Amanda, the author of the post below, has been my friend since we met here in Pensacola in 2001.  At the time, we were both military wives living in the same apartment complex.  Though our life paths have taken us in different directions, both spiritually and geographically, I am glad to still call her my friend.  Read more about Amanda here (open in new window).

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Matthew 5:38-48

New International Version (NIV)

“You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

[Guest Blogger] Day 26: Abortion

Through Facebook, I have become online-friends with an Orthodox Catholic priest, Father Nathan Monk, who lives and works here in Pensacola, FL.  Within some circles, he has gained a bit of local "fame" through his tireless efforts to help the poorest of the poor within our community.  Read more about Father Monk here (opens in new window).

Over this past month, Fr. Monk has been writing a series of notes on Facebook, each addressing a different aspect of his personal life, spiritual life, social beliefs, political beliefs, or some mixture of any of these.  Tonight, with his permission, I am reposting his "Day 26: Abortion" note, in hopes that it may be shared with a greater audience.

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Once in a while I'll see something that truly makes me wish that I could think and act quicker than time. 

Kind of like after someone insults you, and it's not until you get home that the perfect comeback finally makes it into your brain. But this was so much bigger than that. I was walking along 9th Ave and I was a few blocks up from the abortion clinic, and I hadn't even thought about the fact that it was Friday morning, they day the abortions take place. I heard some commotion and I turned around to witness a small black sedan pulling out of the parking lot. The lone picketer ran up to the car and jumped as close to in front of it as he's legally allowed, holding a graphic sign of an aborted baby with limbs ripped apart, and he yelled, "Look! Look what you did to your baby, your little baby, you killed it! MOMMY WHY DID YOU KILL ME, MOMMY!?" I would have given anything in the world to be able to transport myself into that woman's car and hold her hand and tell her that somehow it would all be ok. That Jesus makes all things new. But instead, I was limited by space and time to be standing there, a few blocks away, helpless.

Leave Your Assumptions At The Door.

Lately, I find that people more and more often make unfounded assumptions about me.  Let's clear things up, shall we?

Don't assume that, because I am overweight, I must be miserable or hate the way I look or be on a diet or be looking for a new workout routine.  Yes, I'm overweight.  But I still like the way I look.  I don't feel the need to avoid mirrors.  I'm not miserable.  I'm not on a diet.  If I were unhappy, believe me, I would do something to change.

Don't assume that, because I am single, I must be looking for a man or that I must be miserable or that I must be lonely.  Yes, I'm single.  I have been single since September 24, 2007.  However, I'm not looking for love or a relationship.  In fact, I do not consider myself to be available or "on the market."  I have turned down a few dates with nice guys because I'm just not interested in dating.  I'm not lonely; I'm surrounded by friends and family.  I'm certainly not miserable.  Currently, I have no problem imagining myself staying single permanently.

Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas

As much as I enjoy the festive season of holidays that begins at Thanksgiving and continues until the New Year's party hangovers have worn off, I'm always brought down just a little bit by the people who constantly bicker and whine about the "reason for the season."

I'd guess that nearly all of my friends (on Facebook and in real life) would identify themselves as believing in the Biblical God.  Being in the South, people identifying themselves as "Christian" are definitely in the majority, and that's not a problem for me.  I grew up in church, and many of my friends still actively live the Christian lifestyle.

My problem is this: around here (and probably in other places too) there are people who actually get offended if you wish them a "Happy Holidays" rather than a "Merry CHRISTmas."  Now, I understand that Jesus may be your reason for the season, and I respect that, but I also respect the fact that Christmas isn't the only holiday celebrated in the late-December/early-January window.  There are also Santa Lucia Day (Sweden), Las Posadas (Mexico), Hanukkah (Jewish), Boxing Day (Canada), Kwanzaa, Yule, Emancipation Day, Feast of St. Basil, New Year's, Guru Gobind Singh's Birthday (Sikh), Epiphany, Three Kings' Day, and Lohri (Buddhist, Hindu, Sikh).....and probably many more I've never even heard of!  So, if I tell you "Happy Holidays," I'm not trying to downplay the importance of your God and/or your religion in your life; rather, I'm making an ethnically- and religiously-neutral statement of good will, and trying to express that I hope you enjoy whatever holiday(s) you choose to celebrate this time of year.

Halloween: Are You Being Tricked?

As the weather turns cooler, the aisles at grocery stores are filled with orange-and-black packages of candy and toys, and  seasonal costume shops are doing a booming business.  Parents usher their little darlings up and down row after row of costumes, some cute and some grotesque, searching for the "perfect" look.  Every grocery store, every other street corner, and half the churches in town have all set up their "Pumpkin Patches" to bring in revenue by selling pumpkins to be carved into Jack-O-Lanterns.  Everyone prepares in their own way, even though many haven't got a clue what they're preparing for.

While some of us are preparing for one of the most spiritual holidays of our year, others are testing out various candy-carrying options to see which has the greatest capacity or weight limit.  Personally, I don't expect everyone to view this holiday the same way.  Certainly every holiday is celebrated by different people in different ways.  But, I think that Halloween is one of the least-understood holidays commonly celebrated in America today.

Perhaps the one thing that annoys me the most is people who do not live their lives according to their professed beliefs.....and this is no different at Halloween.  It seems to me that the same people who post scriptures and "God" statuses on Facebook almost daily and who, in less than two months, will be ranting and raving against the "commercialism of Christmas" are the same ones who are preparing to escort their kids to a local store to begin picking out Halloween costumes for Trick-or-treating and candy to hand out to the neighborhood kids who will come to the door one evening at the end of the month.  Please be aware: Christmas isn't the only holiday being commercialized.

A friend of mine shared on Facebook today this link, which mirrors many of her own views as to why she and her family do not celebrate Halloween.  While she and I are basically on opposite ends of the religious spectrum, I fully respect that she lives her life according to her professed faith, and I think that all professed Christians ought to read the article.

So, I thought that I would use this post to share a little bit about the origins of Halloween and how and where it began.

Broken Pedestals

In May of 2001 when I graduated high school, I had been taught by roughly 42 different teachers -- From preschool through high school.  Each and every one of them had the same responsibility to me as to all their other students: to pass along facts and information; to expose us to lots of cultures and world views; and to teach us to think for ourselves, form our own opinions, express ourselves effectively, and stand up for our beliefs.

Well, let me just say now that most of my teachers did a great job at this, however resistant I was to all the lessons they tried to teach me.  As I've grown up, I've found practical applications for more of the things I learned in school than I ever thought I would.  I have even found myself using a pretty good amount of ALGEBRA, of all things, in various life situations.  Really, who would have ever thought that Algebra would be useful?  But, indeed, it is!  Other useful things I've learned have included basic anatomy, history, geography, and English (vocabulary and grammar).

Yet, though my teachers and I spent lots and lots of time together in classes over the years, it is only now that I'm adult that I have begun to realize how little we really know about our teachers when we are kids.  Sure, we get to know about their favorite colors or foods.  We occasionally hear about their spouses or children or pets.  I even remember some smaller details, like the fact that Mr. Woodifn was retired from the military and the U.S. Postal Service, that Mr. Akers liked Creedence Clearwater Revival, that Mrs. Reynolds didn't drink alcohol, and Mrs. Bell had three Bassett Hounds.

The Slightly-Belated, Long-Awaited Proposition 8 Blog Post!

“Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California constitution the notion that opposite sex couples are superior to same sex couples.” [U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker]

That's right, the judge (rightly, I believe) has ruled that people cannot enact laws, even with a majority vote, that have no rational or practical basis and are based entirely on the prejudice of the majority against a minority group with a different belief set.

In fact, not only was there no rational basis for such a law to have been passed in the first place, I can think of numerous rational bases for this law not to have passed. Not only that, I can think of rational arguments against most of the reasons people cited for supporting Proposition 8.

What is marriage? Webster's New World Dictionary defines marriage as “an intimate or close union.” While that certainly is an accurate definition, anyone who has ever been married could tell you that marriage is so much more. An intimate and close union, yes. But marriage is also safety, comfort, compromise, sacrifice, fulfillment. Among the multitude of dictionaries available, there can be found many different definitions for “marriage,” and only on rare occasion do these definitions contain any reference to the gender of the persons entering into a married state.

Doesn't "God" Ever Want To Say "No Comment"?

Before I get into the meat of this post, let me begin by saying that I do not intend to start a theological debate.  Nor is it my intention to proclaim any set of religious beliefs as specifically right or wrong.  I have no interest in condemning anyone for their chosen beliefs.  I am not in the business of converting others to my way of thinking OR of being converted to anyone else's way of thinking.  So, while this post will focus mainly on my observations of the Christian treatment of "God," I am not making any criticism of Christianity or any of its followers.

I have noticed, as I have connected with more and more people on various social networking sites (Facebook and others), that a great number of people will post updates asking for prayers, or praising their God, or stating that they know that their God will guide them/protect them/heal them/etc.  It is most specifically my Christian acquaintances that do this.  Among my Facebook friends, alone, I have no fewer than 10 friends who are employed by churches and countless others who openly and consistently practice the Christian faith.  There are, of course, others who are "part-time" Christians....you know: they think about their God on Easter, Christmas, Mother's Day, and any time they're in trouble, but mostly forget about the god concept the rest of the time.