Gay Men: Marrying the CRAP Out of Your Girlfriends

While my last post has taken off and gotten a lot of attention—both good and bad—I have realized that I'm due for a post with a bit of humor.  Too many people get unnecessarily and overly emotional about political matters, taking every differing opinion as a personal attack.

So, when I saw this posted on Facebook earlier, I decided it was exactly the spot of levity I needed tonight.

I have retrieved this video from the comedy section of the Huffington Post website [link here, opens in new window] where they had this to say about it:

"There may have been gay rights victories in Maine, Maryland, Washington and Minnesota this past election, but there are still states out there doing their best to keep couples from getting married.

For those states, the men of College Humor have an ultimatum: Let them get hitched, or they'll bite the bullet and start marrying your girlfriends.

They have a pretty solid case, guys."

Of course, it's well known that I already support same sex marriage.  This video, however, is pure comedic gold!

CollegeHumor's Favorite Funny Videos

Just Because.....

Earlier this evening I read a wonderfully unapologetic rant, and I wanted to share it here.  I can say that it mirrors many of my own feelings these days, which is why I wanted to share it.  It was written by someone as fed up as I am with being negatively stereotyped.

[Some of the language contained within is not the sort of stuff I usually post on this blog.  I have semi-censored some of the text, but you'll still be able to tell what the original words were.]

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I'm a woman and I'm fat.

After you stop gasping in horror, grow the f*ck up and deal with it. You don't buy my food, my clothes, nor do you fill my car with gas so piss on your self-righteous indignation. I pay for my own health care so stop trying to blame me for your rising insurance premiums. I'm tired of hearing your false platitudes about how I should lose weight for my health. Stop ASSuming I don't eat healthy food and exercise just because I'm fat. While you're at it, stop ASSuming thin people are always healthy too.

If you don't like the way I look stop whining; do the adult thing and simply look away. Contrary to what you've been told, I don't have an unspoken obligation to please your eyes. And for your information I bathe at least once a day during the Winter, and twice a day during the Summer so stop curling your nose up. The only thing that stinks around here is your putrid attitude. Screwing your face up like that only makes me look even better because baring your teeth in disgust makes you look like a rabid hairless chihuahua.

No, I don't hate skinny b*tches. All true b*tches are worthy of respect. It's superficial skinny c*nts I can't stand, right along side superficial fat f*cks. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I have to listen to you whine about your eating disorder to prove I am not prejudiced against thin people. I have my own eating habits to keep in check without being burdened by someone else's deliberate food fuck ups. I'm fat, not a professional sympathizer for the self-labeled "pretty people" who throw up, starve, snort coke, or do whatever stupid things to stay thin. I'm not anti-thin, I'm anti-enabling people to act stupid without criticism.

Being fat doesn't mean I have to prove my worth by nurturing everyone; including every professional victim and f*ckwit that thinks my precious time should be spent listening to their complaints of the unfairness of the Universe. Just because I'm fat it doesn't mean I drop everything I'm doing right then and there because you feel entitled to consolation on my big fat boobs. My big fat boobs aren't nearly big enough to console all the sh*theads of the world, so space is exclusively reserved for the people who really do deserve my sympathy.

A Beautiful Dream

For the past couple of weeks, I've been having the same recurring dream every night.  It has even popped up the couple of times I've gotten the chance at a daytime nap.  I've never really been someone who spent much time analyzing my dreams, preferring instead to enjoy them in whatever manner they present themselves.  On the few occasions I've had recurring dreams in the past, they would come once or twice and then retreat into memories.  Most of them I cannot even remember now.  This time, however, the dream is visiting me night after night, and I awaken with it fresh in my mind every morning.

Nearly 3 weeks into this repetitive dream cycle now, the dream remains so much in the forefront of my mind that I relive it even in my waking dreams (daydreams) in snippets throughout the day.

Although I typically don't read deep meanings into my dreams, I do believe that they are one of the tools our minds use to heal themselves.  In your dreaming world, you can do things that you can not—or would not—do in your real life.  You can have new experiences, attempt difficult tasks, and get closure for past relationships.

In my dream, I'm in a hospital waiting room.  I do not know why I'm there, or if I'm a patient or visitor.  So far, that seems to be irrelevant in my dream.  I'm usually sad, but not overwhelmingly.  As I sit in this room, people keep coming to meet up with me, to sit with me for a while.  So far, each of these people has been someone from my past with whom I do not still have a positive relationship (or, in some cases, any relationship at all).  In each case, the visitor and I talk about our happy memories and our past hurts.  Each of these conversations ends with us in tears, ready to let go of the pain of the past and part on good terms.

I [Don't] Enjoy Being A [Stereotyped] Girl.

I don't know about any of you, but I grew up watching movies that were musical classics: Singin' in the Rain, Shall We Dance, Holiday Inn, The Sound of Music, White Christmas, The King & I, and Flower Drum Song among them.  While I loved the musicality and exuberance of these movies—and still do—I have, as an adult, begun to see things in these movies that I never noticed as a kid.  Primary among these more recent observations is that these movies, to great extent, seemed to celebrate "girly" women, women who loved dresses and lace and being taken-care-of housewives.

And this one simple observation has caused my first feeling of complete disconnect from these movies.

Of these movies, Flower Drum Song is the most obvious in it's display of these traditional gender roles, highlighting them in all their somewhat-outdated detail in the musical scene shown below.

I got to reading the words to that song a few days ago, and have been unable to stop comparing my real life to the realistically fictional life detailed in the song's lyrics.  As a formerly-married single woman, a single mom, and a woman with a full time job, my life seems to stand in near-complete contrast to these lyrics.  Below, I have listed the song's lyrics and contrasted them line by line.  Enjoy!

A Quick Q&A—Marriage Equality

Q: So, Sarah, you support gay marriage?

A: I support marriage.  While I certainly don't want to do it again myself, lots of people do, and I know of no reason (aside from religious ones) why they shouldn't be allowed to marry.

In short, I think ANY adult should be allowed to legally marry ANY other single (1) consenting adult.  Period.

The sad thing is that anyone needs to have a political opinion concerning who can marry whom!

If anyone can give me a rational reason why this should not be allowed,a reason that is not religion- or faith-based, I'm happy to listen (this does not mean I'm going to change my mind).  Otherwise, mind your own business and keep your noses out of other people's love lives.

Leave Your Assumptions At The Door.

Lately, I find that people more and more often make unfounded assumptions about me.  Let's clear things up, shall we?

Don't assume that, because I am overweight, I must be miserable or hate the way I look or be on a diet or be looking for a new workout routine.  Yes, I'm overweight.  But I still like the way I look.  I don't feel the need to avoid mirrors.  I'm not miserable.  I'm not on a diet.  If I were unhappy, believe me, I would do something to change.

Don't assume that, because I am single, I must be looking for a man or that I must be miserable or that I must be lonely.  Yes, I'm single.  I have been single since September 24, 2007.  However, I'm not looking for love or a relationship.  In fact, I do not consider myself to be available or "on the market."  I have turned down a few dates with nice guys because I'm just not interested in dating.  I'm not lonely; I'm surrounded by friends and family.  I'm certainly not miserable.  Currently, I have no problem imagining myself staying single permanently.

Wiser By The Day

"I don't think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday."

~Abraham Lincoln

Well, Abe, I learned a lot yesterday after making a somewhat painful discovery.

That said, I started thinking last night about all that I have learned in my life as a result of romances and friendships, some of which failed miserably and some that fizzled out slowly and some that are still ongoing.  I'm not talking about those lifelong family relationships.  It goes without saying that you learn volumes from relationships with parents, siblings, grandparents, and other relatives.  Instead, my thoughts yesterday and today have been focused on those relationships that we form outside our families, often starting in preschool or elementary school.  Throughout our lives, most of us meet new people and form new relationships.  Some last only a short time while others last many years.  A rare few will last a lifetime.  But each and every relationship we experience, regardless of its duration, teaches us something.

Often, we never even realize that we're learning from our relationships.  The process is subtle, and it happens without us noticing.  Occasionally, the process of learning is painful, as when valued relationships end.  At other times, our awareness of this learning process can be quite pleasant, as when friends learn that they've grown to be so much more than friends.  Over the last few days, I've made the decision to be thankful for each and every lesson I've learned from my relationships past and present, both the good lessons and the painful ones.  These lessons are like gifts that enable me to live a better life.  And, as with any gift, I've decided I need to say "thanks" to the people who've given me these gifts of knowledge.

Late-Night Poetry Reading

For months now, I have had a few words of a poem floating around in my head.  I have known they were part of some poem that I heard a few years ago, but couldn't remember any more of the details.  I remember thinking, when I first heard it, that the poem was particularly touching.  But, every time these words would come to mind lately, I wasn't near a computer or a library or a bookstore or anyplace where I could research what poem they were from.  Well, tonight the words came to me again, as I was sitting here in bed with my laptop in front of me.  I found the poem whose words have floated around fragmented in my head for so long now.  As it turns out, the poem was written by a rather prolific author and former Nobel Prize (Literature) winner.  I've read through many of his other works tonight, and find that I rather like them all!  So, as I have a favorite poet for the first time, I thought I'd share, here, the touching piece that brought me to discover his work.

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

~Pablo Neruda [Love Sonnet XVII from 100 Love Sonnets]

It was this line that has stayed with me all this time:  "I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where."

Isn't that the nature of love, perfectly put into words?  When you truly love someone, it's a feeling that is completely unexplainable.  It's a feeling that is with you all the time.  It becomes a part of you and a part of everything you do.  It becomes a factor in the way you make decisions and live your life.  Love changes you.

There's Always A Reason [Follow-Up To Romantic History Blog]

After spending my evening last night with thoughts of relationships past, I thought to start my morning by finding something humorous to read about ex-boyfriends.  So began my search for funny quotes about exes.  What I found, however, surprised me enough to necessitate the writing of this blog entry.

So, what was it that I found?

I found, rather than a wealth of ex-boyfriend humor, the internet is flooded with sites promising to help you win back the "lost love" of an ex with hints, tips, advice, subscriptions and "foolproof systems."  Seriously?!?!

I was, once, friends with a woman who wasn't particularly outstanding in any way.  She wasn't all that smart, or interesting, or adventurous.  In hindsight, I suppose she was more of a friendly acquaintance than a real friend.  She never said much of anything of note, or much worth remembering.  But she DID have one phrase that she spoke quite often, and it was quite possibly the most wise thing I ever heard her say:

"Exes are exes for a reason."

A Brief Romantic History of - - - Me.

Tonight, I've found myself thinking about the past.  Some things I remember fondly, others sadly, and yet others with tears in my eyes.  I suppose everyone has evenings like these, when their thoughts turn inward and toward the past.  And now, as my thoughts have gone inward, they are flowing back out in text format!

For me, tonight, my thoughts seem to be largely populated by my exes....and they're an interesting group.

In the 9th grade I met a man who, for the purposes of this blog, will remain nameless and mostly without description.  He was a good man, much older than myself, whom I considered to be a true friend for the short time I knew him.  There was no romance, nor would it have been appropriate (or legal) if there had been.  What there was, for me, was knowledge that this man would become, in large part, the standard by which I would measure the other men who came into my life.   

Treat your emotions like a choose-your-ending story!

Remember when you were a kid, and there were 3 types of books in the school library that were always popular?  The Baby Sitter's Club, Goosebumps, and.....those wonderful books where you got to make choices to determine the outcome of the story.  You could read them several times each, making different choices along the way, and experience the story in a new way each time.  The choices made along the way were relatively simple, but they could make a big difference in the plot of the stories.

As I think about it, life's emotional roller coaster is actually a lot like those choose-your-ending books.  With each event in your life, you make choices about how to deal with the situation.  For example:

Wilting Lilies: Weak Women!

I find, lately, that I am completely disgusted by what seems to be a growing "trend" of weak women.  Nearly every day, I read Facebook status posts by women ailing from broken hearts and "can't-live-without-him syndrome."  There are news stories about women who stay with abusive husbands, not because they are scared to leave, but because they "love him," or they "know he doesn't mean it," or they "believe he will change because he swears he will."  I hear conversations (yes, everyone eavesdrops sometimes) between women discussing men who don't respect them, don't value their opinions, refuse to pay child support, don't help around the house, or are cheating.  Seriously!  What's wrong with you, women???

Aside from disparities stemming from anatomical differences, there are no significant characteristics preventing women from being as capable as men.  Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there are differences between the genders.  The point, though, is that none of these differences are great enough to prevent women from being able to live productive, happy, and healthy lives without "him."