I Can't Do This!

When faced with a difficult task, it can sometimes be so much easier to just say, "I can't do this," and let someone else do it for us.

I notice Kaleb does this all the time.  Just tonight, he had trouble reaching the light switch in the bathroom and said, "Mommy, I can't reach it."  A short while later he was trying to open the plastic case that contains his play set of doctor's tools.  When the case's latches got stuck, he said, "Mommy, I can't open this!"  The difficulty he encountered trying to put a book back onto his slightly-overcrowded book shelf caused him to exclaim,"Mommy, this book don't fit on here!" Finally, as Kaleb's bedtime drew near, I told him to go take off his clothes in preparation for bath time.  He was wearing new pants today, and the buttonhole is still a little tight.  He called out to me, "Mommy, I can't unbutton my pants!"

And in our house, this is a very typical evening.  Whenever Kaleb runs into trouble trying to do something on his own, his first reaction is to call in Mommy for help, to do it for him.

As children, we learn to depend on the grown-ups in our lives to take care of us and provide for us.  That trust and reliance is an important aspect of the parent/child relationship.  While we grow up, those grown-ups begin to teach us the skills necessary to grow up to be self-reliant.  And then the cycle begins again once we are adults, and begin to pass along these skills of self-reliance to the children in our lives.  This cycle has been repeating for millenia throughout the animal kingdom, and is not unique to we human creatures.  What is more unique to humans (and some other primates), however, is this desire to proclaim we "can't" and have someone else handle things for us.

So, did I turn on the bathroom light for Kaleb tonight?  Or open the case of toys?  Or put his book back onto the shelf?  Or unbutton his pants?

No.

In fact, I solved each of these problems with the same three words: "Yes, you can."  I try to make this my answer to Kaleb's "I can'ts" all the time.  I admit that sometimes we are in a hurry, and I have to help him for the sake of time, but as a parent I know that it's in his best interest to learn to do things for himself.

Where are the people to tell us "Yes, you can" when we're adults facing tough situations?  As adults we are certainly not immune to bouts of "I can'ts."  But if we, as adults, were to give in every time things got hard, the entire world would grind to a halt!

Let's face it: Life is hard.

As parents, we know that it is vital that we teach our children to do things for themselves and on their own.  If we are so cognizant of this fact while parenting, though, how is it so easy to forget this in our day-to-day adults lives?

As often as you have the opportunity, be the "Yes, you can" that your spouse, friends, family, and co-workers need to hear.  More importantly, always remember to tell yourself "Yes, I can."