Matthew, Part I: Parallel Histories

Matthew Nanny came into my life as a child.  He attended the church where my dad worked at the time (also where our family attended church).  I was in the 4th grade; he was in 6th.

At that time, our age/grade differences put us into different groups within the church.  I was still participating in elementary activities, and he was among the youngest in the youth group.  To those of us in the elementary group, all the youth group kids seemed so much older, and to them, I'm sure we all seemed like such babies.  There weren't many activities that brought the elementary and youth groups together, so most of the interaction between us was in the form of joking and teasing in the hallways of the church during between services and Sunday school lessons and Bible studies and choir practices.  I remember that Matt wasn't mean to those of us who were in the younger groups.  He may have teased us a bit, but it was never mean-spirited.

The summer before I entered 8th grade, my dad got a job at a different church, and so our family began attending services at that new church.  I lost tough with Matt, for the most part, only seeing him at activities where the youth groups from several churches got together.  When we did cross paths at activities such as these, Matt would always smile or wave or say hello.

The summer before my Sophomore year of high school (1998), Matt and I ended up at one of these multi-church youth group events at Big Lagoon State Park.  Throughout the afternoon, we ended up chatting several times.  We next met up at a multi-church lock-in that fall.  At the time, I was in 10th grade, and Matt was in 12th.  We didn't attend the same school, but there was a spark of interest that night at the lock in, and before the night was over, I had received my first kiss -- from Matt.  A week later, I got permission from my parents to invite Matt to our family Thanksgiving.  He wasn't the first person whom I had called "boyfriend," but he was probably the first real boyfriend I had ever had.  Unfortunately, relationships between teens, who attend different schools and don't drive yet, are difficult to maintain.  This case was no different, and the entire deal lasted less than a month.  Afterwards, we lost contact again for a while.

By this time, Matt and I had developed mutual friends, and I would occasionally hear news of how he was doing.  He had been 2 grades ahead of me in school and had graduated in May of 1999.  After my brief "romance" with Matt during my Sophomore year, I dated a couple of duds.  In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but be curious about what might have developed between me and Matt if we had been a little bit older.  So, early in my senior year of high school, when I got my senior portraits, I decided to be bold.  I wrote Matt a letter...a "hi, how ya been?" type of letter...and mailed it to him, including a wallet-sized copy of my senior photo.

It didn't take Matt long to call me after he received my letter.  We were soon talking every day on the phone.  A month later, I was allowed to invite him to our family Christmas party.  By this time, he had a car, and it became his habit to meet me at my school bus stop almost every afternoon, drive me down the road to my house, and hang out with me for a while.  On weekends, we'd hang out at his parents' place (it was during this time that I first met his dad) or at the fire station where he volunteered (also where I became friends with Tom, a man who is still a close friend to me now).  I adored the attention he gave me, and we spent many lazy weekend afternoons and evenings curled up watching movies.  At times, I would think that we might have more long-term possibilities....the I would remember that Matt did not have any immediate plans as to how to advance his future.

It's so easy to be selfish when you're 17, and I was no exception.  A month before graduation, I met a young Marine whose future was already on track.  I was immediately attracted to him, although it would be years later before I would realize that I was really only attracted to how I could benefit from a relationship with him.  Matt came to my high school graduation on May 25, 2001.  Two days later, I broke up with him over the phone.  Less than 5 months later, I was married.

Even after getting married, I didn't lose touch with Matt.  We would talk on the phone, or he would drop by to visit me from time to time.  He was the last of my Pensacola friends I was able to hang out with before my husband and I were sent to Marine Corps Air Station Miramar in San Diego, CA in April 2002.  Even after the move, I kept in semi-regular contact with Matt.  When my husband deployed and I moved to Sarasota to stay with some family, Matt was always on the other end of a phone line to cheer me up when I was feeling lonely.  After months in Sarasota, when I discovered that I was stranded there with relatives who had turned hostile, Matt volunteered to make the trip to Sarasota with my dad to get me (and my cats) and bring me back to Pensacola.  Matt arranged for me to be able to stay at his dad's place.  Matt and my dad were the knights who came to my rescue.

After my divorce, through boyfriends and jobs and new residences, I stayed in touch with Matt.  We could hang out together in total comfort at times, and other times we had knock-down arguments over stupid things.  But, no matter what, I knew that Matt would always be there.  Life kept crossing our paths.  Our social circles overlapped in many places.  And, although we didn't always see eye-to-eye, Matt was someone I could trust.

On a day in April, Matt came over to my place to have lunch. The afternoon's plans went where we hadn't planned, and my life was changed forever when, 5 weeks later, I discovered I was pregnant with Kaleb.