By the end of this post, many of my friends may decide I have completely lost my mind. Some people will disagree with everything I'm about to write, and if you are one of them, it is completely within your rights to disagree. If you haven't read Part I part of this series, you might want to start there and then come back to this post.
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Over the last several days, people who know Matt have been reading about his actions in the early morning hours of September 6, 2011 and his ensuing arrest. I'll not be posting any details in this post, so if you don't know what's going on, you're going to have to hunt down your own info. If you decide to go looking for info, I would recommend using a online public information resource such as www.escambiaclerk.com or www.escambiaso.com. I favor these over local news sites or Facebook gossip.
As I began to hear about these events, I posted a generic request to any of my friends who prayed in some fashion to pray for an unnamed person. At the time, I didn't think it appropriate to post Matt's name before I had gathered more information on what was happening. I received 6 comments on that prayer request post. One commenter, my friend Raechel, said that she would pray for the person. The other 5 comments I deleted as quickly as I saw them, as each one of them had guessed who the "unnamed person" was and had felt justified in posting varying levels of hateful comments telling me that he didn't deserve anyone's prayers.
To those 5 people, and to anyone else who might have had similar thoughts, let me share with you a few of my thoughts on the matter.
- I was not defending Matt's actions by asking for prayers, nor was I suggesting that anyone should pray to get him out of his current troubles. If he did what the police report says he did, then he most assuredly deserves to be in trouble. Yes, Matt's in trouble, and he and everyone who knows him knows that he's in trouble. But, there are some old sayings about not rubbing salt in the wound and not kicking a man when he's down. They have the same intended meaning: When someone's at rock-bottom, if you can't add something positive or productive to the situation, then just leave it alone.
- As of the writing of this blog post, Matt is still in jail. That means he does not have internet access. It also means that there is no way he could read any of the harsh, unsympathetic words you are posting in comments on my page. But have you considered who can read those awful words you're posting? My guess is that you haven't, so let me tell you. Among my Facebook friends are Matt's father, sisters, brother, and his siblings' spouses. These are Matt's family. Regardless of the trouble he is in, they are his family and they all love him. When you post unkind things about Matt on my page, the only people you're hurting are his family who then read those comments....and not one of them deserves the added pain of having to read these cruel statements about someone they love.
- So far, not one of the people who has posted mean comments has any reason to be personally mad at Matt. Heck, two of you have never even met him! If you're mad at him on behalf of the victim in this current situation, I'm sure she's mad enough on her own. If you're my friend and think that you need to be mad at him on my behalf, please know that it is not necessary.
- This one might be the most important: Often, the people who least deserve our compassion are the very people who need it the most.
The mother of Matt's daughter hates him, and he probably deserves it.
He deserves, based on his alleged actions, to be hated by the victim in this current situation. I do not know her, and do not know what she feels about Matt, but I would not be surprised to find out that she hates him.
Matt has never hurt me. He has never hurt Kaleb. But, he has walked away from Kaleb's life, abandoning him, and has not helped to support Kaleb. He has lived a life in denial of his paternity. He has left me to find a way to do it on my own. He has earned my hate. He deserves to be hated by me. But it is very important to me that everyone understand that I do not hate Matt. I have wanted to hate him. I have tried to hate him. But, in the end, I find that I am incapable of hating Matt, and I no longer have a desire to hate him either. There is too much history between us.
The man who has committed these awful crimes is not the Matthew Nanny I have known for the better part of the last 20 years. It may be the same man in the physical sense, but these crimes do not reflect the man Matt Nanny truly is. I have known him to be immature, irresponsible, self-centered, or aggravating, or some combination of these attributes, off and on, during the entire time I've known him. And, while I have read the reports about the violent actions he has shown in this incident, I have never personally seen any hint of a violent nature in Matt. I have never felt threatened by him. I have never felt less-than-safe with him. These crimes are not at all a reflection of what I have known to be his nature since I met him back in elementary school.
If Matt did commit all the crimes of which he has been accused, then I wholeheartedly believe that he deserves to be punished for those actions. But I do not believe Matt to be a lost cause. It is not time to lock him up and toss away the key. I believe he needs to stop drinking completely. I believe he needs to receive some intensive counseling. I believe that he needs to grow up and learn to take responsibility for his own life. Being an adult means more than just paying your own bills.
People who have met Matt in the last three or four years may have only ever heard negative things about him. It doesn't surprise me; bad news travels quickly. Having known Matt for so long, however, I have a broader view of his history. I have been his confidante. I know things about Matt's life that are probably not common knowledge among his casual acquaintances.
So, to those of you who have thought it necessary to post mean, angry comments about Matt, please know that I will continue to delete such comments as quickly as you can post them. If it becomes a problem, I will remove you from being able to post anything to me online. If you are thinking of making a post that is negative, please just don't do it. And, to those friends of mine who have shown restraint and maturity during this time, thank you.
Wow, people got mean? Just seems....cruel. even some of the most heinous of people do not warrant stooping to that level. I mean, look at Casey Anthony....do I think she's guilty? Yup. Do I agree with the jury verdict? Yup. Do I think she deserves to be threatened and have mean/nasty things said about her? No. The Bible says, "vengence is mine"...and it is God who says that. It is not my place to wish ill on anyone.
ReplyDeleteWhat's that saying? An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind?
There is compassionate judgment, and there is vengeful judgment. Compassionate judgment leaves meanness at the door.
While I have my opinion of him based on his actions I agree that everyone deserves prayer. I hope that my words have in no way caused you or his family pain.
ReplyDeleteI don't wish harm to him. I hope that through this he grows up and becomes responsible. I pray he learns something. After all isn't that why we go through hard times? To learn.