Dear Matt,
I think it's fair to say that when I first met you, almost 20 years ago, I could never have imagined that I would be writing you a letter like this under these circumstances.
I don't know what has changed within you during the year since I last had contact with you on the day that you accompanied your mom to my house when she came to visit Kaleb, but I am writing now to tell you that I want back the “old” Matt.
I want back the Matt who used to drive out to Beulah 5 days a week to pick me up at my bus stop and drive me the ¼ mile down the road to my house. I want back the Matt who was so committed to your public service that you parked your girlfriend (me) and his car across the street from an active structure fire and went, without even a pair of long pants, to see how you could help your fellow firefighters. I want back the Matt who took off work to show up at my house unexpectedly and surprise me with a dozen red roses on the evening that I would be graduating high school. I want back the Matt who drove out to Perdido in a panic a few days later to make one last futile attempt at preventing our break-up. I want back the Matt who tried to talk me out of a marriage I would later see had been a bad idea from the start. I want back the Matt who made time to come hang out with me one last time before I moved away to California with my new husband. I want back the Matt who was never too busy to take my calls when I was lonely and far from home in California. I want back the Matt who drove to Sarasota with my dad to rescue me from a bad living situation mid-way through my husband's deployment. I want back the Matt whose shoulders soaked up gallons of tears when I discovered that my husband was coming home from deployment, but not coming back to me. I want the Matt who drove me out to a quiet dark beach to help me calm down when I fell apart after seeing a movie about a woman who lost the man she loved to war. I want back the Matt who never complained about being woken up at ridiculous hours because I needed to talk, or sometimes because I just didn't want to be alone. I want back the Matt who bought your dad a new blender to keep him from being mad at me for breaking the old one by trying to blend rock-hard frozen strawberries.....even after some of those strawberries became airborne missiles that narrowly missed your head. I want back the Matt who was visibly excited about the prospect of having a son. I want back the Matt who had to fight back tears when you first met your 6-month-old little boy. I want back the Matt who calmed my fears at the thought of our little boy having surgery twice before his first birthday, even though you must have been worried too.
I want back the Matt whom I could go without seeing for months and then pick right back up as if we'd never been apart. I want back the Matt I respected; the Matt I trusted; the Matt I knew would never let me down. I want back the Matt who would defend me and rescue me no matter how stupid a mistake I had made.
I want back the Matt who was my cherished and beloved friend.
I want back the Matt who wanted to be a good daddy to Kaleb.
I don't have any idea what the next few months may hold in store for you. And while I cannot defend you against the actions of which you are accused, I know in my heart that those actions do not reflect the man you really are. I have known you too well and for too long to believe that the man I know you to be would have done such things, and so something must have changed within you that has hidden away the Matt I have known for so long. Whatever happens from now, please please please find and bring back the “old” you.
I know that your dad has told you that I've expressed my intention to support you and help you during this time, in whatever ways I am able. I obviously cannot do anything to change your situation. All I know to do is write and pray, and I can promise you I will be doing both.
I do not believe you are a lost cause. I do not believe that you deserve to be thrown away or given up on. I do not believe that there is no going back. I believe that you can face this head-on, and get through it, even if it gets tough. I believe not only that you can do this, but that you must do this. You have parents and a family who love you. You have children who need you. Whatever I am to you, you have me, and I care for you in a way that is unique to me, in a way that comes from our 20 years of history together. And, most importantly, somewhere within you, you already have a better version of yourself – a version of you that will make it through these current troubles and will come out on the other side, ready to live a life worthy of pride and respect.
[The paper version of this letter, the one to be mailed, continues beyond this. However, that part is not for the public eye.]
I think it's fair to say that when I first met you, almost 20 years ago, I could never have imagined that I would be writing you a letter like this under these circumstances.
I don't know what has changed within you during the year since I last had contact with you on the day that you accompanied your mom to my house when she came to visit Kaleb, but I am writing now to tell you that I want back the “old” Matt.
I want back the Matt who used to drive out to Beulah 5 days a week to pick me up at my bus stop and drive me the ¼ mile down the road to my house. I want back the Matt who was so committed to your public service that you parked your girlfriend (me) and his car across the street from an active structure fire and went, without even a pair of long pants, to see how you could help your fellow firefighters. I want back the Matt who took off work to show up at my house unexpectedly and surprise me with a dozen red roses on the evening that I would be graduating high school. I want back the Matt who drove out to Perdido in a panic a few days later to make one last futile attempt at preventing our break-up. I want back the Matt who tried to talk me out of a marriage I would later see had been a bad idea from the start. I want back the Matt who made time to come hang out with me one last time before I moved away to California with my new husband. I want back the Matt who was never too busy to take my calls when I was lonely and far from home in California. I want back the Matt who drove to Sarasota with my dad to rescue me from a bad living situation mid-way through my husband's deployment. I want back the Matt whose shoulders soaked up gallons of tears when I discovered that my husband was coming home from deployment, but not coming back to me. I want the Matt who drove me out to a quiet dark beach to help me calm down when I fell apart after seeing a movie about a woman who lost the man she loved to war. I want back the Matt who never complained about being woken up at ridiculous hours because I needed to talk, or sometimes because I just didn't want to be alone. I want back the Matt who bought your dad a new blender to keep him from being mad at me for breaking the old one by trying to blend rock-hard frozen strawberries.....even after some of those strawberries became airborne missiles that narrowly missed your head. I want back the Matt who was visibly excited about the prospect of having a son. I want back the Matt who had to fight back tears when you first met your 6-month-old little boy. I want back the Matt who calmed my fears at the thought of our little boy having surgery twice before his first birthday, even though you must have been worried too.
I want back the Matt whom I could go without seeing for months and then pick right back up as if we'd never been apart. I want back the Matt I respected; the Matt I trusted; the Matt I knew would never let me down. I want back the Matt who would defend me and rescue me no matter how stupid a mistake I had made.
I want back the Matt who was my cherished and beloved friend.
I want back the Matt who wanted to be a good daddy to Kaleb.
I don't have any idea what the next few months may hold in store for you. And while I cannot defend you against the actions of which you are accused, I know in my heart that those actions do not reflect the man you really are. I have known you too well and for too long to believe that the man I know you to be would have done such things, and so something must have changed within you that has hidden away the Matt I have known for so long. Whatever happens from now, please please please find and bring back the “old” you.
I know that your dad has told you that I've expressed my intention to support you and help you during this time, in whatever ways I am able. I obviously cannot do anything to change your situation. All I know to do is write and pray, and I can promise you I will be doing both.
I do not believe you are a lost cause. I do not believe that you deserve to be thrown away or given up on. I do not believe that there is no going back. I believe that you can face this head-on, and get through it, even if it gets tough. I believe not only that you can do this, but that you must do this. You have parents and a family who love you. You have children who need you. Whatever I am to you, you have me, and I care for you in a way that is unique to me, in a way that comes from our 20 years of history together. And, most importantly, somewhere within you, you already have a better version of yourself – a version of you that will make it through these current troubles and will come out on the other side, ready to live a life worthy of pride and respect.
[The paper version of this letter, the one to be mailed, continues beyond this. However, that part is not for the public eye.]
I wish I could put into words what Matt means to me. He has been there through the good and the bad and no matter what he was never judgmental but always willing to give his opinion. I can remember on many occasion calling him just to have someone to talk to and he would always answer no matter what he was doing. I also remember those 2 in the morning aimless drives through Alabama just to talk and not be around anyone else. I know we have grown apart over the past few years but when we would talk it was like we had just talked the night before and everything was just as it had always been. I hope that he will make it through this and come back to us the Matt we both know and love.
ReplyDeleteI am Matt's aunt...favorite aunt I might ad ;). That was beautifully written and I'm so happy to see that he is loved and understood. You seem like an absolute angel and a dear sweet person. Matt is lucky to know you. Thank you for defending him to so many angry people. Those people don't know his history, the personal things he's been through, the issues he's had to work on....and how emotionally wrecked he is at this moment. He doesn't deserve to be HATED...who does? Oh my goodness.....HATE!! Matt needs compassion and friendship and love right now more than he ever has in his life. And actually....I honestly believe that his life depends on it. It's that crucial. He has never meant any harm....he's just a mess. And he needs help. He's a good person...and I love him. And I love YOU for being a awesome person....I can just tell that you are. Thank you. Tell him that Aunt Lisa loves him next time you write or get to talk to him. I think about him every moment.
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