Open Letter To A Man Named "Ross Banks"

I received a message today on Facebook.  The sender of the message, apparently, is too cowardly to allow me to reply, since when I tried to reply, I discovered that he had blocked me.  So, in this post, I have copied (unedited) his message to me and have added my reply.  In general, I wouldn't post a message in a public forum like this if it was originally meant to be a private message.  However, if you do not allow me the courtesy of a private reply, I will still reply in some manner, even if it has to be public.  If he read my blog once, perhaps he will read it again and see this.  If he doesn't, well, the rest of my readers will.

Received from Ross Banks approximately 1:30p.m. today:

Mr. Banks' atrocious spelling and grammar errors aside, I know he has made some points that echo the sentiments of many other people who know me or Matt, and so here is what would have been my response had he had the decorum to allow me to send my response:

Well, let me first say that I do not feel sorry for Matt so much as I feel bad that none of us (his friends and family) were ever able to get Matt the help he so obviously needs. I have not defended his actions, nor will I, and I agree that he does deserve whatever punishment he gets as a result of what he has allegedly done. The purposes of my blog are just to show people that Matt has not always been the monster that he has become in the last few years. When I knew him as a kid and teenager, he was one of my most trusted friends, and I am sad that this is what he has done with his life. He had the potential for greatness, but none of his choices have led him down that path. It is my sincere hope that this might finally be the wake-up call he has needed for so long.

Among people who know me, it is no secret that I am the mother of his child (I absolutely loathe the term "baby momma," and think it to be thoroughly degrading to any responsible parent). I have not repeatedly identified myself as such to his friends because that is only something that has become true in the last couple of years. We were friends for over 15 years before a child ever became a part of the mix. At present, I am not thinking of him as my child's father, because my child has no memory of Matt. He does not have that place in our lives.

I am aware that Matt has caused hurt to many people, mostly women, many of whom I've never heard of and do not know. I am deeply sorry for the hurt he has caused these people, and I pray for them daily, as I pray for Matt.

My goal in blogging about Matt is not to prevent people from hurting his feelings. He's in jail, as you know, and so has no idea what people say about him outside of there. However, Matt does have a large extended family. All of them are people I know and care about, as they are my son's relatives and are mostly active in my son's life. I do not think it fair for people to openly say such harsh (albeit true) things about Matt when the only people who could be hurt by them are the people who are able to read them: his family. I know that they are all already hurt and shamed by his actions, and I hate that the words of others only add to their hurt without doing anything to help anyone.

Finally, I do not ever understand why he chose to hide the fact that he has a son...my son. I love my son with every fiber of my being, and cannot imagine not wanting the whole world to know about him. However, as Matt and I have led completely separate lives for so long, I doubt it was hard for him to manage to not let people find out. Yes, my son is cute, and thank you for saying so. Matt has not been "right" for some time now, I've realized, and so I have no explanation as to why he chose to keep a child so precious a secret.

In closing, I do understand your frustration with the entire situation, and am glad that your girlfriend seems to be able to feel some peace because of Matt's incarceration. I cannot imagine the terrible things she must have felt as a result of Matt's actions, as you described. I know most people do not understand why I feel as I do about all of this, and I myself would not have understood it a year ago...or even a month ago. I am doing what I can to be supportive of people I care about, and following what my heart and my Faith tell me are the right things to do. I will not defend Matt's horrendous actions, and cannot comprehend how someone who I once trusted so much could have even been capable of these things.