Matthew, Part VI: Do Not Assume

I can't stand how people who are completely removed from the situation -- either by geographical distance, emotional distance, or time -- assume that they know what's going on and what the motives are behind the actions of those of us who are here and in touch and involved.

So, just for the record:

Those of you who want to be mad about what you perceive as insensitivity (specifically the posting of the LINK to the website with all the links to public info on Matt's current situation) should just ask before getting so mad.  The creator of the site has made no secret of his identity, so 2 or 3 minutes of reading would have told you exactly who built the site.  You're so busy worrying about the fact that the site isn't all loaded with touchy-feely emotions and outpourings of love for Matt.  What you seem to have forgotten is that the honest details of what has happened.....well, they're not pretty.  What you don't know, is that the site is there because I spent several days trying to dispel rumors that Matt had raped or shot or killed someone, rumors that were wholly untrue.  But the rumors were too numerous and widespread for me to eradicate on my own.  So, yes, the decision was made to re-post the site, with links to all the real information, so that it would show up near the top of Google search results containing Matt's name.  What's on the site is just facts and links to this blog, all of which were already available to the public.  All the site does is put them all in one place.  And, just so you'll know, Matt is fully aware that the site is there, and is aware of what the site's contents are, and agrees that it is a quick and effective way to disseminate truths and kill the misinformation.

Those of you who keep saying things like "Matt's not a criminal" need to realize that the evidence says that Matt is most definitely a criminal.  People who commit crimes are, as a result of their actions, criminals.  It appears that, in one night of bad decisions, he committed a series of crimes and is, therefore, a criminal.  I wholeheartedly believe that these crimes do not reflect Matt's true nature, but I cannot ignore the huge body of evidence that says the crimes did happen.  None of us may know all the factors that contributed to these events.  I agree that Matt definitely does need help and support.  But your denial of the facts doesn't help Matt any.  Let's all just admit that Matt is a man who has gotten himself into some pretty deep trouble and is going to need the support of lots of people to begin rebuilding a life for himself somewhere down the road once all of this is over someday in the future.



Those of you who think you need to seek vengeance in Matt's name for the hurtful things people have said (and probably are still saying) about him need to understand that Matt can be helped by neither your imagined vigilante justice nor your empty threats against people you do not know.  You cannot control what people say online, and you can mete out no "consequences" to those who say things of which you do not approve.  I can, and will, remove any and all inappropriate and mean-spirited things posted on his Facebook page, but that is all we can do.  The rest we must simply ignore and wait for it to go away.

Those of you who care about Matt but have limited contact with the situation, for whatever reason, should feel free to contact me or someone else who is able to be directly involved right now.  Ask questions if you don't understand something.  And, most importantly, do not assume!

• Do not assume that everyone is out to hurt Matt.
• Do not assume that we don't care.
• Do not assume that people's motives are bad.
• Do not assume that we are doing things without Matt's knowledge.
• Do not assume that Matt is in the dark or unaware of what's going on out here.
• Do not assume that you know what Matt is thinking. 
• Do not assume that you know what's going on or what people are thinking, especially if you haven't decided to take the time to ask.

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One final thought, a quote I particularly like:

“Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words.”

~Rainer Maria Rilke

(Austro-German lyric poet, author of Duino Elegies and Sonnets to Orpheus, 1875-1926)