2012: The Year of Acceptance

It's that time of year again: the time of year where millions of people make New Year's Resolutions—promises to themselves or others about what they will change, do, or give up this year—and then break them within a sadly short period of time.

An informal poll of people I know reveals that most New Year's Resolutions fall into one of two categories:

1. to stop doing something that you no longer want to be doing, or
2. to begin doing something that you would like to do.

Resolutions in either of these categories—resolving to do something or refraining from doing something, or in other words to change yourself or your life in some way—are "Yang" resolutions, and they make up the vast majority of all the resolutions my friends and acquaintances have ever made...or broken.  I, too, have made my fair share of these types of resolutions in the past and, like so many others, have broken them and ended up more disappointed and joyless than before the resolutions were made.

Well, no more...

This year, I've decided to make for myself a resolution more on the "Yin" side of things.  My life is busy, full with parenting and work and friends and family and all those other responsibilities that come with adulthood.

My 2012 Resolution, my goal for this entire year and beyond, can be summed up in only one simple word:

Acceptance.

That's right, for the year of 2012, I'm going to tap into my largely-neglected Yin side and learn to accept people and situations as they are and learn to accept myself as I am.

Sounds simple, right?...

Wrong!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am the kind of person who has trouble giving up control or accepting things that are not as they should be.  I'm a "fixer" and that part of my nature is a dominant feature of my personality.  This causes me to have lofty ambitions, thinking that I can singlehandedly "fix" everything for everyone.  In the end, I become unable to fix anything for anyone—least of all for myself—because I never focus on any one project long enough to get results.

So my plan, this year, is to learn to accept other people as they are and accept that there are some things I simply cannot change.

• I will accept that my past relationships are in the past.  I will accept that exes are exes for a reason.  I will be honest with myself and accept that those relationships were not mutually healthy, and that they would never have been good for me in the long run.
• I will accept that my parents are no more perfect than I am.  They have made mistakes, some that affected me and some that didn't.  They will make mistakes again.  But that's ok.  They love me, and I love them.
• I will accept that my friends are no more perfect than I am.  Friendships have their ups and downs.  Sometimes, friends say or do things that hurt one another, intentionally or not.  Forgiveness is an important part of friendship, and it's time to let go of old hurts and be thankful for true friendships.
• I will accept that my co-workers are no more perfect than I am.  Each of us has our strengths and weaknesses, and our varied talents are what make us able to educate our student body.
• I will accept that people all around the world live in situations that make me a queen by comparison—and while I may not like this fact, I must accept that my first priority and my primary concern must be to take care of my son and myself.
• I will accept that my life is now, and always likely will be, impacted by former friends and other people who might wish me ill.  These people and I may always have friends in common, and so I may never gain much distance from them.  I must learn to accept them for who they are and focus on avoiding their negative influence.
• I will accept that I cannot control the asinine policies that mean Kaleb's daycare is closed tomorrow, on the first school day back from Christmas break, instead of making a more intelligent choice to close on one of the day last week (while schools were still out for the winter break) and calling that day their New Year's holiday.
• I will accept that my job as a parent is to raise my son to make good choices, but also to allow him to become his own person.  I will accept that, sometimes, preschoolers are ridiculously obnoxious or silly or stubborn or grumpy or poorly-behaved.  Generations of parents before me have successfully raised their children to be productive, well-adjusted adults, and I am equally capable.
• I will accept that I will never be perfect.  I will never be tall or have a super-model-perfect figure.  I will never be the smartest, the funniest, or the most talented.  I will never have the best job, the most money, the coolest car, the biggest house, the finest jewelry, the most expensive clothes, or the trendiest hairstyle.  And none of that matters, as long as I always make every genuine effort to live my life to the best of my abilities.
• I will learn to accept that I have emotions, and that my emotions change as I age.  Changing emotions are a product of my womanhood, my adulthood, and my amassed life experiences.  There is no shame in showing emotions, and the people who genuinely care about me know this and will not pass judgment upon me for giving in to my feelings sometimes.
• I will accept that I will cross paths with many people each day.  Some of these people are familiar to me, while others may be complete strangers.  Some will be friends; others will be people I'd rather not see.  I must accept that I cannot control the moods, emotions, or attitudes of other people.  If they are in a bad mood, for whatever reason, I will resolve to try and be a positive moment in their days rather than allowing them to bring me down.

These are the things I plan to work on continually from now on.  Of course, there will always be new situations that will arise, and I'll have to learn to deal with them as they come along.

Years ago, I worked in a substance abuse treatment facility.  Each night before lights-out, the clients would gather in a circle and recite a simple prayer called the Serenity Prayer.  It is widely used in 10-step programs, but could apply equally to all of our lives.

Serenity Prayer

So, this new "Yin" type of resolution will be an experiment for me.  It is my hope that the challenge of something new will help me to keep this promise to myself.

Rather than focusing so much energy on trying to change things that are not within my power to change, I will simply accept them as they are.  I deal with life on life's terms.  I will enjoy the reduction of stress that I anticipate will accompany a life with fewer futile acts.  I will have more time, concern, resources, and energy to devote to more worthy causes—causes to which I can make a real difference, bring about real change.

So, a bright and happy 2012 to all my readers, friends, family, co-workers and even to my enemies and adversaries.

In the New Year, I wish you the best year you've ever had, and that each New Year
will be better than the last. May you realize your fondest dreams and take time to recognize and enjoy each and every blessing. Happy New Year, for this year and many more!

[final paragraph quoted from Joanna Fuchs]