The 21 Types of Middle Schoolers

What "Type" were you?

When I was in high school, it was very common for one group of students to label other groups of students: jocks, preps, geeks, goths, skaters, pot heads, nerds, hicks, surfers, etc. Right or wrong, we did it, and kids probably still do it today.

But now I'm an adult.

5 days a week, 10 months a year, I spend my workdays with roughly 900 middle schoolers. What I've learned being on the “grown up” side of a public school environment is that the students aren't the only ones doing the labeling. Teachers and other school staff label the kids too. We get to know these kids who are in our keep for 35 hours a week, and we learn their traits and characteristics. And based on what we learn about the kids or what behaviors they exhibit, we group them. Some kids get classified into more than one group, but I have yet to meet a student that defied ALL the labels.

So, here I bring you the 21 Types of Middle Schoolers, in no specific order:

1. The Good Kids: I know, you weren't expecting any of the groups to have such positive names. But certainly not all the kids we teach are horrid, monstrous brats! In fact, I'd venture to say that the majority of the kids I see each day are probably good kids who don't cause trouble.
2. Grown-Up Delusionals: Some kids seem not to realize that they are even kids at all. Partly, the problem is that they look in the mirror and see someone who is more adult than child looking back at them. But that doesn't mean that they are adults emotionally or intellectually. Unfortunately, many of them don't realize this, and so they come here and act as if they are adults too, expecting to be given equal say in the application of school rules or policies. Then, when we continue to treat them like the teenagers they are, they get offended.
3. Stand-Offers: These kids want absolutely nothing do do with anyone over the age of 18. When we tell them good morning, they ignore us completely. When we ask them how their weekends were, we are lucky to even receive a grunt of acknowledgment. And I'm fairly certain lightning would strike me dead if one of them deigned to smile at me.
4. Needies: These are the complete opposites of the Stand-Offers. These needy kids “need” something from me every moment. “Ms. Getz, read this poem I just wrote! It's so deep!” The first time or two I fall for this, and then have to find polite ways to tell them that their poetry is 'nice' to avoid telling them how awful it is. These are the kids who want to tell me the “fascinating” story about going to Walmart to buy a new T-shirt, or the kids who want to brag to me that they 'get' to do something that is so mundane it's not worth mention. These are the kids who need to get my approval or praise every time they write one word or answer one question. These are the kids who smile secretly at me when other students are acting foolish, as if we share some inside joke or something. Although most of these kids are generally good kids, I find that they are the ones who annoy me the most, because I cannot ring myself to tell them to shove it and leave me alone. I can't bring myself to tell them they aren't special.
5. V.I.T.s: These are the Very Important Teens, the kids who want to be the exception to the rules. THEY shouldn't have to follow the dress code. THEY shouldn't have to turn in their work at the same time as everyone else. THEY shouldn't have to meet the same requirements as other students.
6. Know-It-Alls: These are the kids who are always right.....even when they are very wrong. No matter what you tell them, they are never wrong. Once they have convinced themselves that 2+2=4, you'll never convince them otherwise.
7. Can't Be Taughts: These are not the same as the Know-It-Alls. These kids are aware that they don't know everything, and they are willing to ask for help.....on every question. They can be hand-held and led to a correct answer, but they can't LEARN the information and process for themselves. They will do good work as long as someone is leading them by the nose, but once they are on their own, they immediately forget what they've been shown.
8. Ice Cubes: These kids are too cool for everything. They are too cool to answer questions, too cool to read a book, too cool to participate in class discussions. Some day, I predict, they will be too cool to get a job.
9. iRollers: These kids apparently think everything is so stupid that they must express their displeasure with an eye roll. Follow the rules?! Eye roll. Participate?! Eye roll. Be on time?! Eye roll. And what do teachers think of these kids? Eye roll.
10. The Monarchy: This is the term for those kids who think that they are supremely important, as if they are royalty. They expect everyone to drop everything and tend to their needs and desires. Their questions must be answered before other students. Their tests must be graded first. They must have first choice of seats in the classroom. They must be first in the lunch line. I intentionally de-prioritize these kids whenever possible.
11. 9-1-1 Operators: To these poor kids, everything in their little worlds in an emergency. There are no headaches, only migraines. No stomach aches, only certain food poisoning. Forgot to finish the homework? They'll certainly be held back and repeat a grade. Pencil broke? It's the end of the world.
12. Dramatists: All the world's a stage, right? It is if you're a dramatist! OMG, I don't have ANY classes with my BFF!! OMG, my boyfriend and I don't have the same lunch! OMG, the cafeteria ran out of chocolate milk!
13. Bubble Heads: Unfortunately, not of the kids in this group are girls. These are the ditzy girls, the kinds who are stereotypically portrayed in movies as the “dumb blonde” or “cheerleader” types. These are the kids who could get stuck in a room with the door standing wide open. These are the kids who will freak out when they get older and lock their keys in the car one day....while the windows are all rolled down.
14. The Country Club: These lovely brats live under the mistaken belief that they are better than everyone else. And when I say “everyone,” I mean “everyone.” They are better than their classmates, better than their friends, and certainly better than their teachers and parents and other strangers. Very often, these kids are also V.I.T.s (refer back to #5).
15. The Supermodels: These kids treat the school's hallways like their personal catwalks. They have the nicest, newest, most fashionable name-brand clothes all the time. Worse: they think that their clothes make a difference in the real world. They believe they have more substance than those “other” kids whose clothes are not as new, not as expensive, or not name branded.
16. Reality Stars: This group gets their name by being the kids who always, as they say, “keep it real.” Admittedly, most of my favorite students (yes, I admit it, I have favorites) fall into this group. Kids in this group are known for speaking their minds, which is probably why I identify with them. They don't hesitate to tell the Supermodels that this season's fashions are ugly, or to call the Bubble Heads 'morons' and the Needies 'suck-ups.' They tell you exactly what's on their minds when they're upset, which means there is no mystery when dealing with a Reality Star. Sometimes, they are too brutally honest or are too frank with the wrong person, and get themselves in trouble. Still, in general, I like these kids.
17. Screamers: These kids will scream and yell about anything at all, and at the drop of a hat. They scream when they make a bad grade; they scream when they don't get their way; they scream when someone makes them mad or insults them. Everything is “unfair” or “messed up.” Many of these kids also pepper their screamed rants with various terms of profanity. They always play the roll of the victim in every situation and tend not to take responsibility for themselves and their own behaviors. In the adult world, this translates to become those people on Jerry Springer or COPS whose every third word has to be bleeped out.
18. Whiners: Whiners are the quieter, more annoying version of screamers. They have a “why me?!” outlook on life, and are always the ones being victimized or put-upon—at least in their own minds. Occasionally, whiners run out of whines and then enter a subset of Whiners, known as Pouters. Pouters are far more tolerable, as they at least are quiet.
19. Don't Cares: Don't cares come in 2 rather different varieties:

• Passive – Passive Don't Cares are often the kids sitting—or rather, sleeping—in the back of every classroom. They are the ones who sleep through class, sometimes so soundly that a teacher of classmate has to wake them up at the end of class to leave the room and continue their naps in another teacher's classroom. These kids will fail classes because of nothing more than their own inactivity and inaction.
• Active – Active Don't Cares are more vocal about their apathy for school. Instead of sleeping through class, they sit and draw pictures on their classwork or pass notes in class or whisper (or shout) to other students in the room. They are often disruptive and have a particular talent for preventing their peers from learning.

20. Baby Thugs: A Baby Thug is a cross between a Grown-Up Delusional (see #2) and a rap artist. They are teens—or, in some cases, pre-teens—who walk, talk, dress, and act like “gangstas.” Sadly, they worship a pop culture that advocates sex, drugs, guns, violence, and other illegal activity. Unfortunately, many of these Baby Thugs also fall into the category of....
21. Fast Trackers: The term “Fast Trackers” is a shortened way of describing those students who we fear on on the fast track to jail/prison. They fight. They lie. They steal. They disrespect themselves, their peers, and all the adults in their lives. They rebel against all authority figures in every imaginable way. They think they are immune to, or stronger than, all the world's ills. Their inevitable future will be a stint in a correctional facility, or worse.

Each day, I deal with students from each of these categories. I see students from unstable homes, students at economical disadvantage, or students will untreated and undiagnosed neuroses of many varieties. And there just isn't an adequate system in place to deal with these kids. Their parents—the ones that HAVE parents who care—are working 2 or 3 jobs to pay the bills. Some of them have parents who simply don't care, or who aren't capable of being good parents. The schools are not equipped to “fix” these kids, either, and we already have steadily-increasing numbers of jobless and homeless people in this country. In addition to the schools' shortcomings, they are being taught by an army of unappreciated and underpaid teachers and other school staffers.

I don't know what the fix is. Sure, these students are responsible for themselves, to a degree, at this age, but how can they learn to be responsible, productive citizens if there is no one to show them?

The children are in crisis. Everything is broken. How do we fix it?