Embracing Your Most Genuine You

Everywhere I go, it seems, I meet people who refuse to accept who they are or who are trying desperately to be anyone but themselves. People live in denial, convinced that they are something or someone they are not, or that they are still something or someone that they were in the past but no longer are. Let me tell you, folks, neither of these is going to put you on the path to a happy life.

What do I mean by this? Let me explain.

First, accept that everyone is good at something, but no one is good at everything. We all have talents as well as limitations. If you are a good singer, and everyone tells you so, false modesty—or worse, genuine self deprecation—is useless. When you are complimented, accept the praise and be happy! On the flip side, if you are not good at something, do not pretend to be! Sure, keep working to improve if it's something that matters to you. But do not offer to design the bridesmaid dresses for a wedding if the extent of your sewing experience is replacing missing buttons.

Next, understand that while your "stuff" may tell a story about you, it does not define who or what you are. Wearing exclusively name-brand clothing doesn't make you fashionable; it just shows that you spend a lot of money on clothes. Driving around town in your Porche darting in and out of traffic doesn't mean you're cool or powerful; it means only that you spent a lot of money on a car that you're probably going to drive into a tree the next time it rains.

Additionally, know that we are all judged by the company we keep, and that this can reflect upon us positively or negatively. If you hang around with depressing people, you will be assumed to be depressing. If you hang around with successful people, you will be assumed to be successful. If you hang around with artistic people, you will be assumed to be artistic. If you spend your time with people who are hateful or religious, upbeat or positive, shy or extroverted, it will be assumed that you share those traits.

Also, be aware that some stereotypes can be used to your advantage. I adore being a redhead, and it's a rather rare physical feature outside of Great Britain and Ireland, so I embrace it and often even let it speak for me. People assume that redheads are outspoken; I am. People assume that redheads are fiery and adventurous; I am. People assume that redheads are stubborn; I am. People assume that redheads have quick tempers; I let them assume this, and it keeps people from trying to push me too far. People assume that redheads are confident; I am. People assume that redheads are sexual dynamite; that is something I will neither confirm nor deny....but it can sometimes be flattering just for people to assume such a thing, and at other times that assumption can be a veritable curse.

Furthermore, be always aware that titles and nicknames can be defining or damning. You can allow yourself to be identified by a name or word that you are proud of—as I am with "redhead"—or you can be endowed by others with some name that either literally or sarcastically draws attention to your flaws or negative qualities. If you want to be thought of as feminine, adopting nicknames like "Butch" or "Spike" or "Slugger" will probably not have the desired result. Conversely, nicknames like "Bird" or "Lovey" are not likely to cause people to see you as masculine. If you find yourself linked to some undesired name, work actively to minimize that name, act to prevent the accentuation of a negative aspect of yourself. Attempt, instead, to showcase your talents or positive traits, and instead let people see these good things as your defining qualities.

Finally, and to stress the point to those among you who are more visual, if you have a backside similar to the one shown to the left, you have absolutely no business continuing to call yourself and be called by a nickname like "Lil' Bit" or "Sexy Mama" or anything along those lines.

Because, let's face it, to call you "Lil"-anything would just be false advertising.

But whoever you are, be genuine.