All Bottled Up

When we are children, we speak everything that comes to our minds with little regard to appearances or consequences.  It's natural for children to be this way, yet it is neither polite nor productive to continue this through out life.  So, as we grow up, most of us learn to guard our thoughts and police our words.  We may be given the freedom of speech by our country's Constitution, but with it comes the responsibility to speak with care.

The problem this creates, however, is in knowing what to say and what to keep back, when to speak and when to remain silent.  Sometimes, the appropriate course of action is clearly apparent—we cannot threaten others and we ought not spread falsehoods or half-truths.  Other times, however, the correct choice is not so clear:

• When those pants really do make your friend's rear end look bigger, do you tell her?
• When you can't stand a friend or relative's significant other, do you tell them?
• When you know information that could get someone into even bigger trouble than they might already be in, do you keep it to yourself or do you share that information?
• When you know something important, that would hurt the feelings of someone you care about, do you tell them anyway, or keep it to yourself?
  

I'm not exactly one to be vague or secretive when I feel strongly about something, and I've figuratively stepped on plenty of people's toes in the past—and I inevitably will again in the future.  But that doesn't mean that I share my thoughts 100% of the time.  There are many times when I keep my thoughts to myself, sometimes permanently and sometimes just until I have a more appropriate use for them.  

Have you ever had something that you were keeping to yourself?  It's hard sometimes, and it can leave you torn over whether what you are keeping in is really something that is better not shared.  You can end up feeling conflicted, and constantly fighting an inner argument with yourself.

Over time, repeated instances of keeping things inside can leave you feeling all bottled up.  So what do you do?

I know of a few things that are often able to help me to feel better:

• I talk to a friend, sometimes, because it can feel good to just share with someone.  When it's something particularly secretive, I've been known to talk it out with my cat—and he has yet to divulge my secrets to anyone else.
• Being a writer, I find that writing down my problems is usually the most effective way to process them and come up with solutions about how to handle them.  Not all of this writing happens publicly online, though.  Most of the more private things I write are never shared with anyone.
• Find a way to share your information, but in a less-hurtful manner.  You know: soften the blows a bit.

The most important part is to not drive yourself crazy with the inner struggle.  Decide what to do, and know why you are choosing the line of action you choose.  Arguing with yourself is, in the end, never going to be a war you can win.